Between two words,
Is a space.
That is the Pause.
Think of it
Like a bridge
Use it well
Pay attention to it
For it has potential
To heal and help.
Practice the pause
Whether at work or in family or socially we all may have encountered people who are extremely difficult in behavior to the point of putting people down, having arguments and fights in every interaction.
Often in the first meeting with another, within seconds our brain is gathering information creating its impressions on them and we seem to be convinced somehow on many things about the person. Our intuitive instincts comes to play .That is where our system involuntarily associates pieces of information and puts it all together. We may be right or wrong but that’s another story.
But the truth is we know how we feel about the person. Most importantly.
when we are put in a situation, we simply know, we cannot see eye to eye with the person at all and feel we just cannot handle them.
Our body often gets into a flight or fight mode . Our stress hormones increase and our nervous system is on an overdrive. This can be often a cause for major health issues in the long run.
Clearly we feel we are not equipped to handle such a person’s energy and we may come away angry or depressed in every meeting with such people.
It is time then to read more into the equation.In such moments of frustration one thing is very clear no matter what we say or do we cannot change the other person.
They could exhibit any of this range of behavior from being non cooperative, uninterested, dominating & aggressive dismissive, prejudiced, overpowering, controlling, overwhelming, angry , and even too powerful.
There is one thing however that is still within our abilities. If we cant change them then take a look at how we can change the way we perceive them as a threat to us. And why would we want to do that?
Well we owe it to ourselves. It is our body and it is the one that is getting affected in every such situation.
So what do we do when we have to deal with such difficult people?And what can we do to reset our system.
The truth is that it is not easy facing and encountering such an environment on a regular basis. Every thing said or done seems to backfire and there is unreasonable behavior and even simple communication seems to get difficult by the day.
An immediate countermeasure is that we start with taking deep breaths.
This shifts the bodily reactions and resets it from fear to relaxation. It actually works on calming our frayed nerves and easing the body inside out by reducing the state of panic and pressure on the body to react in such circumstances. Simply put, it distracts the mind and body to channelling the rhythm and flow of energy.
Secondly we take a moment to pause and rethink how we are addressing situations ourselves.
At times we are not very inclusive.
And perhaps may have unknowingly hurt someone by our own assumptions and actions.
We need to start with using, more of ‘us’ and less of’ you ‘ when we speak.
That way we show we are in it together.
Thirdly we need to disengage and keep healthy distance if possible with people that are negative and volatile. They are simply not worth the effort or time.
Choose to see if the situation is even worth engaging and indulging in.
Counting slowly to ten still works when situations are reactive, as it would give you time off to respond mindfully and space to assess the circumstances.
And lastly ensure we give the benefit of doubt and try seeing things from their perspective and check if perhaps we could be more reasonable.
Our abilities to observe us as part of process, will help in minimizing any misinterpretation on our part. That way we become more proactive than being negative about communicating with the person.
However,there are extreme scenarios at times, when we are faced with bullies who actually are very insecure within and may also perhaps have been victims at one point of time. We then need to adopt measures that ensure personal safety and that there are witnesses before interacting with them.
So let us always remember… we are the ones who need to take the necessary steps to change for ourselves because we are the ones who are getting affected.
For ultimately we owe it to ourselves and our health is most important to us.
Today’s ever changing corporate environment calls for new kinds of people management skills.
From managing teams to peoples problems and handling customer service,an empathetic approach helps create a positive difference and transform work culture.
So what is empathy after all?
Empathy is about being able to perceive and understand another’s point of view using their frame of reference.
To sense the flow of the moment with another.
To communicate with & be able to understand another’s perspectives insecurities and pain points.
Empathy is a positive approach aimed at improving teamwork and building teams , bridges gaps of communication implementing changes through appreciation, support & encouragement than unnerving others with negativity & criticism that can be rather demoralizing.
Empathy can create and build trust and rapport that you can tap into. In using empathic responses, problems can find meaningful and lasting solutions.
In using empathy with skill, you show respect & value for another.
There is a huge wave of empathy oriented approaches in businesses across the world. This is truly valuable and must be encouraged.
After all empathy is a main contender in a list of skills that show emotional intelligence quotient of an individual.
Who is the master?
Who is the mastered?
When mind masters you follow
When the mind is mastered you lead.
Want to lead or follow…
The choice rests with you.
Dancing and Management
What’s dancing got to do with management
Oh, she is a dance teacher!
What will she know about managing a business?
This is the common perception of people in business setups. They have a dismissive attitude towards anyone who comes from a non-aligned field like arts for example.
Personally speaking, as a dance professional for more than two decades, I can certainly say that the experience trains you into a lot more than dancing. It helps develop & cultivate people skills, culture and mindsets, and the ability to empathetically understand attitudes that can be observed in life and living.
Besides, there are common skills that go beyond business management and enter life skills that one needs to navigate life effectively.
Here are a few skills that come to mind immediately…
- Time Management
- Code of conduct
- Space management
- Body language awareness
- Self Expression
- Discipline and Focus
Dancing movements can open channels of flow which translates into greater energy optimization.
And each dancer may have explored the art of dancing in different forms and its application would have the potential to create a greater depth of understandings.
The value of art may be high, yet the possibilities and the potential application of art are yet undervalued and undermined.
There is so much scope in the art of movement that we can realize. It’s high time to accept that dance education and application has much to offer the world beyond just a stage performance. Great to see radical shifts in the way dance is being perceived across certain parts of the world. But it has to percolate to where all it can matter.
Time to think beyond and open up to these yet underutilized but valuable life management skills.
It is amazing how creativity is enhanced by leaps and bounds in the age of the internet . Especially with an app ready for every possibility.
Before the internet, drawing was a skill that was an innate gift or had to be honed by years of practical training. Back then artistry was challenging and time-consuming and most of all needed patience and dedication.
Having developed a bit of interest in artistic pursuits I remember enrolling in courses to learn the art of embossing and decorating pots, learning the intricate art of henna on the hand as well as joining a fabric designing course at a very famous and leading fashion institute of those times which I truly enjoyed and excelled in. And I remember using the understanding to create and sell my artworks and being rewarded not only monetarily but also emotionally through the contentment of creativity becoming tangible. The course of learning and experiencing it all was truly very fascinating indeed.
Today I draw a parallel on how one has to know how at the touch of a phone, the apps take you through the course at the speed you want, you can erase the art you create and redo at will, as often as you fancy. And most of all your drawings get texture, special effects and animation and you can even create a live 3d model for you to touch and sense!
Technology can charm the living daylights of you indeed!
Yet there are certain senses that are not touched upon…
The feel of holding a brush of colour, it flowing on the paper, and at times may be in error and you working around it creatively.
The sense of proportion in actually mixing medium and paints and getting the right shade.
The touch of canvas or other mediums and the way it feels after the painting.
The simple satisfaction of being able to feel connected to your artwork right through it all. It creates an intimate relationship between the art and the artist.
To be fair Art today has evolved along the way, there is computer precision and ease of use through applications that take artmaking to infinite possibilities.
The potential of an artist can increase leaps and bounds and endless pieces and options of colour choices can be churned out at the touch of a few keys. Everything is customisable giving the advantage to both the artist as much as the customer.
The scope and reach of creativity through Art is definitely increasing and that is a development worth noting. Everyone can create amazing art now unlike before. And that is quite an interesting phenomenon. Knowledge is openly accessible for the user.
In spite of the amazing advantages of technology, human emotional and creative connect is yet a challenge.
But nevertheless, I have chanced upon apps that give a great sense & feel of creating art.
Sharing a few of my earlier artworks.
A story share on Anger Management
There was a saint, who was never affected or angry at anyone, how much ever anyone ill treated or insulted him.
His disciple was intrigued by this nature and wanted to know the secret of his calmth.
When he asked the saint, the saint patiently explains how he conquered his anger.
“I had this long time habit of meditating while sitting in an empty boat on a lake. While doing so, once when I was in deep meditation suddenly another boat hit my boat . I was so angry to know who was so careless to disturb my meditation. But when I opened my eyes in anger I saw an empty boat which was moved by the blowing wind and hit my boat. I realised my anger was unaimed as it was an empty boat .
So when ever I get angry I remembered it n think this is an empty boat too and became quiet.
Our anger affects us in 3 ways.
1.It affects our wisdom
2.It affects our body
3.It affects our behavior.
Now you know the secret of my calm nature.”
The truly strong person is not the one who controls others by physical strength, but the one who can control himself from his anger.
This simple story elucidates the necessity of self reflection and awareness of the negative effects of anger on oneself as much as others.
Anger is often a result of frustration and feeling blocked . The reactions can escalate out of control in time.
Uncontrolled Anger ruins life and living.
Anger is damaging and destructive.It is important to break free from its vicious cycle.
Here are 5 tips for breaking free of Anger cycle.
1. Taking some ‘ me time out ‘ everyday.
2.Thinking before Speaking
3 Practicing Forgiveness & Letting go.
4 Using Humor to Diffuse Tension
5 Using Relaxation Methods for Calming
There is a need to acknowledge anger patterns and work on the triggers that affect. So more than prevention by suppression it is better to understand the loss of control of words and actions and channelize it well.
Like a little time out for self could be about engaging in physical exercise, dancing , music gardening, any hobby or reading a book, regular meditation or simply witnessing nature .
All are very helpful in bringing back a sense of balance in our perspectives of thinking and creating a space between our steps.🙂
Always remember, it is important to know it is completely ok to seek professional help to manage anger when it is affecting our life and the lives around us.
Life is calling
Whatever we are meant to create, collaborate, to do or accomplish with our lives… we will.
All of us meet with different facets of envisioning.
And as we move on to connect we take in different aspects of understanding.
Our life is changed & continues to change
In every intersection of interaction
Sometimes it’s a feeling, a thought.
At times it’s a drive so full of intentions.
Life is meant to churn out the truth of it’s own existence
It is meant to evolve in the changes.
So important to know the value of every life.
The power of every contact
The force of nature in every connection
That leaves imprints for posterity.
Each exchange, every dialogue
Every word, every letter
Is energy unleashed with emotions
The intentions carry them through.
Value the intuition you sense
In every connection
The purpose clarifies itself to you.
Every life is meant to make a difference
To someone somewhere
It could be you.
If emotions were tubes of colours
The way we paint every day
The way we live our lives
The way we think and express
Our own experiences in being.
Will be a riot on the canvas.
Envisioning in the seeing…
Flashes of brilliance in bright yellow
Of optimism and cheer
Sporadically surging joy and ecstasy.
Going green in connectedness
Contented lines flowing in trustful acceptance
Or moves markedly hesitant in fear and apprehension.
Arresting artistry of living life in loving kindness
Explosions of reds marking anger
Or in delusions of grandeur in aggression.
In ingenious masterstrokes in fits of rage
Of imagination running wild.
Colour of Purple in projecting pride.
Of passionate perseverance to detail
Or a certain aloofness in respectful reservation.
A sense of ascension and royalty.
Shades of blue in thoughtful flow and serenity
Or organic spaced out zenful zones
Of mindful movements in the making.
Yes there is an emotion in every colour
As colours are but tools of expression
Of the ever changing moods of man
How colorful is the spirit of our soul.
Every colour plays a significant role
Like in the wheel of colours
So are emotions that appear
In the wheel of life.
Each plays it’s part.
All matters to the whole.
The Silent Retreat
Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks.
They began with enthusiasm and no one said a word the whole day.
By nightfall of the first day, the candle began to flicker and then went out.
The first monk blurted out, “Oh, no! The candle is out.”
The second monk said, “Hey! We are not supposed to speak!”
The third monk said in an irritated voice, “What is this? Why did you two break the silence?”
The fourth monk smiled and said, “Wow! I’m the only one who hasn’t spoken.”
Each monk broke the silence for a different reason, each of which is a common stumbling block in our inner journey: distraction, judgement, anger and pride.
The first monk got distracted by one aspect of his experience (the candle) and forgot what was more important – the practice of witnessing without reacting.
The second monk was more worried about others following the rules than in actually practising himself. He was quick to judge without noticing that he himself was guilty of what he was criticizing.
The third monk let his anger towards the first two monks affect him.
The singular burst of anger ruined the effort of the day.
The fourth monk lost his way because of pride. He was convinced he was superior to the others, proving his ignorance.
Why did the fourth monk speak at all? He could have simply maintained his silence and he would have been successful in his endeavour.
But if he had, chances are, the other three might have continued to argue and not even noticed his silence. Some people are like this.
Their motto is “If I am doing something good, but no one notices, I might as well not be doing it at all.” They believe that the reward is not in the effort, but in the recognition.
There is a beautiful quote, “It is the province of knowledge to speak; it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”
As we learn to truly listen, witness and observe without impulsively reacting with distraction, judgement, anger and pride, then we understand the true meaning of silence.
The Wisdom of Silence
Silence has the strength of spaces in sublime consciousness…
Silence shows the way of patience
Silence activates our guiding spirit
Silence powers the strength of intuition
Silence moves towards deep contemplation
Silence evolves the spirit of understanding
Silence graces atmosphere with quietude
Silence defends without a word
Silence strengthens the soul.
Silence can be a knowing of the peace within .
Silence is painful in its struggles and valuable in itself. Silence is in utter desperation, deep contemplation with phases of meditative connectedness. Silence is never thoughtless or mindless.
Silence dwells in the spaces between the steps to access whenever. Silence leads and the path appears.
Trust the lessons learned in silence.
We are often about holding on than letting go . We are able to hoard but find it difficult to let go . We try to control our lives a little too much that we often forget there is a power greater than us that cares for us all.
Letting go in faith and trust is an immensely gratifying experience. If you choose to let go of your unnecessary niggles of doubts and fears you will find the path of calm and peace that sustains you …
So what are the immediate things you can choose to let loose?
Here are a few that come immediately to mind…
Lose your excuses
You will find results
Lose your worry
You will find the will to do
Lose your negative thoughts
You will reflect positivity
Lose your doubts
You will find solutions
Lose your fears
You will find the way
Lose your inadequacies
You will find abundance
Care or Control?
I was in consultation with a middle age couple.
They started fighting right in front of me.
The upset husband said-
I ‘Care’ so much for her & this is what I get in return.
To which the fuming wife replied-
He doesn’t care…
he just ‘Controls’!
The care from one person was perceived as control by another!
This made me think…🤔
What is Care and
What is Control?
How to identify them?
I received the answer.
I had an argument with my teenage daughter over a trivial disciplinery issue…
Harsh words were exchanged leaving both of us in tears…😪
as our emotions settled down ,
We said sorry to each other…
My daughter hugged me and said-
You know why you got upset?
You were not upset because I did wrong.
but u were upset because
I didnt follow your instructions…
there is a big difference!
I was stunned with her mature thinking pattern.
I received my answer too…
I was trying to Control her under the disguise of Care…
that caused the conflict ….
If I really ‘Care’ for someone ,
I will not get upset or angry with that person…
I will keep searching different ways to help him…
If I am struggling in any relationship…
I need to closely observe
If there is any subtle Control hidden behind my apparent Care…_*
“Care is an expression of love
While Control is an expression of ego…
Control cuts…Care connects
Control hurts…Care heals.
Keep Caring for people
but dont Control them …
Often people are not wrong…
they are just ‘different’.
After deep pain arrives a great blessing
After heavy rain appears the rainbow
In toughest moments arrives a breakthrough
Through the biggest wave shines through a light.
The longest night awakens with the hope of new dawn.
The longest tunnel opens to beams of sunlight
In deepest silence may be hidden utmost reverence.
In deepest gratitude lies a heartfelt prayer
What is visible may be an illusion
What is invisible may be the truth!
#hopegiving #trust #faith #belief