Whether at work or in family or socially we all may have encountered people who are extremely difficult in behavior to the point of putting people down, having arguments and fights in every interaction.
Often in the first meeting with another, within seconds our brain is gathering information creating its impressions on them and we seem to be convinced somehow on many things about the person. Our intuitive instincts comes to play .That is where our system involuntarily associates pieces of information and puts it all together. We may be right or wrong but that’s another story.
But the truth is we know how we feel about the person. Most importantly.
when we are put in a situation, we simply know, we cannot see eye to eye with the person at all and feel we just cannot handle them.
Our body often gets into a flight or fight mode . Our stress hormones increase and our nervous system is on an overdrive. This can be often a cause for major health issues in the long run.
Clearly we feel we are not equipped to handle such a person’s energy and we may come away angry or depressed in every meeting with such people.
It is time then to read more into the equation.In such moments of frustration one thing is very clear no matter what we say or do we cannot change the other person.
They could exhibit any of this range of behavior from being non cooperative, uninterested, dominating & aggressive dismissive, prejudiced, overpowering, controlling, overwhelming, angry , and even too powerful.
There is one thing however that is still within our abilities. If we cant change them then take a look at how we can change the way we perceive them as a threat to us. And why would we want to do that?
Well we owe it to ourselves. It is our body and it is the one that is getting affected in every such situation.
So what do we do when we have to deal with such difficult people?And what can we do to reset our system.
The truth is that it is not easy facing and encountering such an environment on a regular basis. Every thing said or done seems to backfire and there is unreasonable behavior and even simple communication seems to get difficult by the day.
An immediate countermeasure is that we start with taking deep breaths.
This shifts the bodily reactions and resets it from fear to relaxation. It actually works on calming our frayed nerves and easing the body inside out by reducing the state of panic and pressure on the body to react in such circumstances. Simply put, it distracts the mind and body to channelling the rhythm and flow of energy.
Secondly we take a moment to pause and rethink how we are addressing situations ourselves.
At times we are not very inclusive.
And perhaps may have unknowingly hurt someone by our own assumptions and actions.
We need to start with using, more of ‘us’ and less of’ you ‘ when we speak.
That way we show we are in it together.
Thirdly we need to disengage and keep healthy distance if possible with people that are negative and volatile. They are simply not worth the effort or time.
Choose to see if the situation is even worth engaging and indulging in.
Counting slowly to ten still works when situations are reactive, as it would give you time off to respond mindfully and space to assess the circumstances.
And lastly ensure we give the benefit of doubt and try seeing things from their perspective and check if perhaps we could be more reasonable.
Our abilities to observe us as part of process, will help in minimizing any misinterpretation on our part. That way we become more proactive than being negative about communicating with the person.
However,there are extreme scenarios at times, when we are faced with bullies who actually are very insecure within and may also perhaps have been victims at one point of time. We then need to adopt measures that ensure personal safety and that there are witnesses before interacting with them.
So let us always remember… we are the ones who need to take the necessary steps to change for ourselves because we are the ones who are getting affected.
For ultimately we owe it to ourselves and our health is most important to us.