Savvy Raj

Live Life Lovingly!


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The Path to Resurrection

Mental /Emotional abuse in relationships:

Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being

Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.

Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.

Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.

Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.

We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.

It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.

I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.

Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.

Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.

For example…

A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.

The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.

After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.

The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.

Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.

If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.

Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.

Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.

Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.

A few tips…

If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family

Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.

Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.

Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.

Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.

Realise you are meant to live not just exist.

Remember there is always a way!

Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!

Because you are enough for you!
Savvy

Contd.

Dynamics of Power

Read On Domination Part 1


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And Life thrives

On teaching and learning

The teacher who says he is a master
Is no master at all.

A teacher is the one who teaches
What he has learned in life…
To teach is to learn some more!

To teach is to simply impart the learning in the sharing there is learning to imbibe.

Life is after all a great teacher
As it is the nature of life that masters it all.
All are but students in the way of life.

No one is perfect
No one knows it all
No one has mastered it all
Wisdom flows from living life
Everyone is a teacher in a way
Every one is a student in a way.

Let’s all remember
To own up to ourselves
The way we are
Flawed or not
Scarred or not
But thankful as we are.
Gradually we are strengthened in gratitude.
Acknowledging the preciousness of life.
And Life thrives…

Savvy


The Strength of the Circle .

Moving in circles

The power of the circle is encapsulated in the very formation of pattern, speaking of integrity that is rooted to the center. Movements matter much more than we know or imagine…

In the energy of creation of a circle there is a changing movement is constant continuous and consistent yet structured in a pattern.

There is great learning in the flow that is enhanced in creating a deeply meditative motion steeped in dedication leads to the development of patience and perseverance. For circles are both complete and yet connected. In the strength of the circle and its reiteration lies the art of self-development.

In its spiralling form, there is inclusivity and expansivity.
In its cohesiveness is its stability and rootedness to its core.

In the evolution of the Circle is a collection of energy altering dimensions in space. This shift creates changes that can be felt and directed toward greater causes.

There is a depth of artistry and scientific understanding in exploring the potential in the circular formations.

Art by Savvy Raj

There is a spiritual connection in the drawing of mandala art or the whirling dervishes that awakens the inward journeys.

Every movement has a reason to be…

In the revolving universe the circular motion creates vortices, evokes energies that is altered in space dimensions and balanced in the flow.

There are many internal healing practices interconnecting and integrating the circulation of the breath and movement from yoga to martial arts that can awaken the dormant energy and bring it into a higher plane of consciousness, in the depth of awareness.

The strength of the circle
is in the fluidity of form as well as the stability of the structure.

In a circle is flexibility of flow
In a circle is the continuity of connection
In a circle is an integration complete and whole.

The understanding of the power of circle manifests with the awakening of the wisdom of change and of change is the eternal constant.

In knowing there is no change at all in the within and the without. All is in a flow in the river of time. Every life connects to everyone else.

All is in the alignment and such is the story of us as much as the sun moon and the stars and the spaces between, betwixt and beyond.

Using the power of the circle to create health and harmony in thoughts words and deeds brings forth goodwill and betterment of life.

Savvy


Walk on…


A reason there is for you to be born
A reason there is for things turn out so
A reason there is for all that you do
A reason there is for everything.



As you seek you understand.
There is always something more
The divine plan plays up…
In more ways than one.


Keep on your path dilegently
In faith and perseverance
Who knows how many
Will follow your lead…

Savvy


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Temple of being

Your body is home to life.

Treat it well.

Let life live through you

Enjoy the moments in awareness

Let your words be kind and

Let your deeds be compassionate

Allow yourself to be gentle.

Speak softly and share goodwill

You are nurturing yourself this way

Your ways will affect the energy

In and around you.

Respect the space you occupy

And value your temple of being.

Savvy


13 Comments

Writing : A healing practice

WordPress says I have crossed 400 days of continuous writing and publishing now.

And it is a great motivation personally to me. As sometimes a few words are hard to come by and then there are times when a river of words flow…

There is so much learning in simply putting thoughts down in a structure.

In the way, they flow

In the way they arrange themselves

From our thoughts to the words

The choices of perspectives

As they appear and form

To convey what we want to say.

As I continued to write

Early every morning

I found myself creating a space for me

A time that stands still

In the silence of thoughts

And in the dance of reflections.

This time has been a dedication

For the writer in me

In unravelling and understanding

The power of love for writing

And the potential of possibilities

In patience and perseverance.

And coming away with the realization

That to write a few words every day

Whether in a poem or prose

Is truly a beautiful healing

For our mind heart and body.

Creating anything takes energy

And in expression is a release.

In contentment and intention.

In gratitude for the inspirations.

And ever grateful for the support

Extended here by my readers

And a special mention

Goes to the WordPress family

Whose encouraging likes & responses

Paved this journey of words.

Thank you🙏

Savvy


5 Comments

Dynamics of Power

On Domination.

Domination is the root cause of inequality.
What is it to dominate?
Have you been ever at the receiving end?

To think of ones right over another
To assume another as valueless
To believe one has the power over another all the time
To try and stifle another’s perspectives.

To drown another’s voice from speaking out.
To choose not to hear what another says
To distance oneself in superiority.
To show the strength of money or status etc

To disrespect and disregard, another’s space.

To blame another for every little thing

To demand attention all the time.

To throw temper tantrums and have constant mood swings

To bully another into submission.
To be arrogant and egotistical.
To only think of the self and no one else.
To hurt another with criticism.

To be rude and overbearing
To be sarcastic in every conversation
To pull down another’s self-esteem
To harm another with physical strength

To manipulate another’s mind or heart
To devalue another’s efforts.
To demotivated another from self expression.
To kill another’s spirit for life.

Many of us may have been subjected to dominance in some form or another
It can be a trying time.
To be in a situation where there is truly no freedom to be.

There are many forms of domination and control. It could occur as there is financial dependence or in case of having health issues that limit mobility.

Most arise from deep insecurities that need constant assurance of power and control over things and people.

Domination happens at the workplace at schools and colleges at gyms at playgrounds and very often in relationships at home.
Often the majority of victims are women and children. Sometimes they are subjected to harassment through both physical and mental torture.

Often in the inability to make room for another in accommodation and in complete lack of tolerance…
Domination doesn’t end with one person sometimes the entire family is dominated by a single vile individual.

It is truly a difficult environment to live in under the threat of constant control.
Often times the dominant partner will manipulate subtly that others will not notice. And gradually take control of everything.

Life doesn’t seem yours at all.
It takes a strong will to break free.
To reclaim your life back again
The lesson to remember…

Never back down!

The assertion for self liberation and freedom is a journey towards resurrection.

Savvy

Read Part 2: Path to Resurrection