Savvy Raj

Live Life Lovingly!


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The Path to Resurrection

Mental /Emotional abuse in relationships:

Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being

Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.

Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.

Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.

Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.

We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.

It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.

I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.

Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.

Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.

For example…

A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.

The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.

After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.

The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.

Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.

If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.

Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.

Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.

Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.

A few tips…

If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family

Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.

Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.

Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.

Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.

Realise you are meant to live not just exist.

Remember there is always a way!

Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!

Because you are enough for you!
Savvy

Contd.

Dynamics of Power

Read On Domination Part 1

We are…

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10 Comments

On Connection

Universal Oneness is an awareness

In reflections of the truth of the being

Interweaved and interconnected in every life .

Strength shines through the vulnerabilities.

As a power in the very fragility

Touched by divine grace

Enmeshed in the senses

Fired in the cauldron of life and living

Comes a consciousness of the flow

In and around us

Beyond the illusion of separation.

Is the dance of connection.

Savvy


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Creative Enrichments

WordPress certainly has its unique ways
Of appreciation and encouragement
To support the writers on this platform
There are stats that show up on screen.

So I am told one morning by WordPress
That I am on a three-day posting streak
At first, I was amused and a tad bit confused
For hadn’t I been posting literally every day… for so long…

But guess WordPress took its own sweet time
To catch up to my blog amongst the millions
So I too decided to play along…
Every day since then I have been publishing

A poem written afresh, simply inspired
A continuation from my previous post
In creatives emerging in thoughts.
Perhaps from a readers comment
Or better still in its contemplation.

Today as I complete a 10-day streak
I want to share these published posts
Here together in an attempt to string
These beads of thoughts together

Poetry can be the jewellery of language.
Pearls of fresh thoughts bonded into words.
Creativity strung together in a form.
Like a necklace that is adorned in appreciation.

Creativity is there within
Us all for the taking
And all it needs is a step in
In reflection and action…

It was a joy to play along
Connecting the dots,
Stringing the words,
As they came along.

Kudos to WordPress

Stats for the supportive inputs
And my amazing blogger friends

For inspirations along my way.

Savvy

Here are the links of the last 10 day Post streak that I will simply call Creative Enrichments

A few observations …

These ten days I had a purpose steeped in creative enrichment. The idea was to be receptive and responsive to whatever that these posts brought forth.

And I sensed how these Inspirations came my way on its own.

A special thanks to a few WordPress writers who are involved without their own knowledge… that I want to thank here.

Dr Sridhar from

https://philosophyviaphotos.wordpress.com

for sending that poetry challenge up my alley and asking a profound question that made me write some more.

Efi from

https://efisoul63.wordpress.com

for mentioning and sharing some interesting links that inspired me along the way.

Sadje from https://lifeafter50forwomen.com

a new friend I made in these few days for her kind and generous words of heartfelt appreciation.

Dutch from

https://onthepathleasttraveled.wordpress.com

for being there with words of encouragement and sharing apt and brilliant quotes in goodwill every step of the way. They are truly thoughtful insights. Do keep them coming.

Annie from

https://anniegoose.wordpress.com

a new friend thanks to this writing streak

and my friend from

https://thereluctantpoetweb.wordpress.com

both whose shares and reblog of these posts, spirited my writing with their kind gestures.

And to all my fellow readers who liked shared and commented in these posts every day.

Thank you all.🙏

Any act of creativity is a collaboration of thoughts and ideas that spring forth from everywhere .

Savvy

Day 1
3 Day Lyrical posts Day I

https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2St

Day 2
Lyrical Challenge Day 2
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2Sm

Day 3
Lyrical Challenge Day3
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2Ss

Day 4
Sunflower trait
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2S3

Day 5
Creativity and Humility
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2QJ

Day 6
The Potent Now
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2TB

Day 7
On Expressions
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2TS

Day 8
Perspective
https://savvyraj.com/2018/09/28/perspective/#

Day 9
Waltz of the words
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2Uu

Day 10
Windows of the Soul
https://wp.me/p6a0yZ-2Uc


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There was a time

There was a time when the day started with a greeting at the light of dawn
Now it all starts with the light of mobile screen

There was a time when travellers used to chat with one another.
Now traveling is to update status and post photos.

There was a time when writing meant using a pen and paper.
Now all it mean, is clicking of buttons on a keyboard.

There was a time, when postman were eagerly awaited.
Now that is all a thing of the past.

There was a time when movies were a family affair.
Now Netflix on phone makes everyone watch on their own.

There was a time when children learned from parents.
Now it is children who teach it all to their parents.

There was a time when holidays at home meant board games & conversations
Now all the catching up is on What app and Facebook.

There was a time when life had time to catch up with one another.
Now life runs after time to catch up with time.

With the advent of times,
The sense of family is fast disappearing.
Each lives for themselves and prefers their own company.

Each spends and cares more for their gadgets than people around them.
With the apathy and indifference that abounds,
The Social recluses we are all becoming confounds.

Such is the time we live in today…
Wonder what future we have, to reckon with?

Savvy


6 Comments

Secret of Life and Living

Gratitude

How beautiful is a moment!

When gratitude touches it.

Gratitude is a great teacher

Of wisdom in life and living.

For gratitude changes life’s path

Making it all seems worthwhile

Gratitude is truly a blessing

Making your life meaningful.

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude

Towards life of all forms of being

Sense the blessings in Gratitude

You will thrive in gratitude

Cultivate Gratitude

Living gratefully

Everything we do , everything we think we own, all returns back to the source some day. In knowing this truth we need to sense gratitude for what is … and that is one of the secrets to living life lovingly!

Savvy