Savvy Raj

Live Life Lovingly!


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The Path to Resurrection

Mental /Emotional abuse in relationships:

Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being

Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.

Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.

Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.

Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.

We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.

It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.

I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.

Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.

Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.

For example…

A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.

The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.

After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.

The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.

Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.

If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.

Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.

Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.

Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.

A few tips…

If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family

Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.

Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.

Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.

Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.

Realise you are meant to live not just exist.

Remember there is always a way!

Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!

Because you are enough for you!
Savvy

Contd.

Dynamics of Power

Read On Domination Part 1


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Dance of the Sky

Came across my earlier painting capturing the dance of the Northern lights Aura Borealis at night from the seashore and it lead me to pen a few reflections on the dance of the sky…


Dance of the sky

What is it about the Polar lights
That compels me to travel some day
To take a chance and brave the cold?



Aurora Borealis
The dance of lights
Up in the sky.


Ethereal to behold
Waltzing colors
Enchanting vision


Of  fluctuating solar winds
In the magnetosphere
That pull you to witness


The thrilling spectacle.
Of Optical emissions
Stirring magical emotions!

Savvy


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On Gratefulness

Gratefulness is a gift of realization of the infinite.
It is an attitude worth cultivating
It is a a breakthrough towards transcendence
It is the ability to change the difficult to bearable.

It is a positive step in the transition
It is a sensing of faith trust and belief
It is a relief from hatred.
It is a pause to allow the hurt to heal.

It is a inner transformation.
It is a breathe in awareness
It is a creator of infinite abundance.
It is a move from the heart.

It is an awareness of potential flow
It is an acceptance of the almighty
It is a conscious awakening of the heart
It is an expression in thankfulness.

Savvy


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To be…

In a place where the ego rests
At ease with nothing to prove
Where learning flows along
With nothing to suppress.

Where movements arise
In the grace of energy
Where time moves on it’s own pace
Without no hurry and worry.

When understanding manifests
With nothing to lose or gain
When every moment is lived in the now
With no reservations and notions.

Where there is no place for fear or favour
There is no clamour for success and fame
Knowing change is the only constant
And all is fleeting through in time.

In this journey of life and living
In learning and unlearning
In doing to nondoing
When dedication and discipline
Create the way for itself.

Without pride and vanity
Without assumptions and judging
Without claiming and complaining
Without imposing and refuting.

Life evolves in such focus.
Where wants reduce in reflections
Then desire sublimes itself
To nothingness in time.

Where wisdom rests in subtlety
Where there is no seeking
With no questions to ask
All the answers manifests unto itself.

Savvy


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On discernment

Discernment is a spiritual gift
As humanity stands perplexed
At times in the paradoxes of life
Confounded by challenges.

In the throes of confusion.
An ability to figure things out.
A clarity of purpose and reason.
An act of perception of the obscure.

An ability to be insighted and comprehend.
A sifting through to make sense of it all
Acknowledging the spirit of the soul
Meeting through both the head and the heart.

Discernment is a wonderful tool
In intervention than in criticism.
For the gift is an ability to distinguish
The truth, in the facades that may appear.
In understanding the real and unreal
The truths and the untruths
And everything in between.

When seen with dispassionate eyes
Beyond the mirrored existence
Shifting perspectives in the making.
Yet knowing simply all as parts of the same source.
Savvy


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On Love

As love conquers you it blesses you in the knowing.

Make not a mockery of love

Serenade love and allow it to speak truth

Love surfaces from the depth of emotions

To mend you and this world to a better place.

As true love is eternal

Free as bird in flights of oblivion

Travelling in the abandon

Of the wilderness of the spirit

Yet bonded in the boundless infinity

Endless love a gift of grace

Acknowledge this treasure

Blending two souls in one

As a life loved is well lived… such a rare sight!

What a blessing it truly is….A love like that!

In realising the many miracles of life is knowing a love that can move the soul of our being. We can consider ourselves lucky to even have been touched by a love like that!

Savvy

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends and readers!!!


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The Gift of Life

When I was a little girl I often have witnessed my dear father see and give great value and acknowledge every little good that is or happens, however small they may seem to others . It could be a with a gentle word , a kind word of appreciation or a little compliment.

He taught me one of most important lesson for a lifetime ….to notice, respect and reflect on the good in and around us … and to live positively and think of life always as Plus++++es.

Life is a beautiful gift as it is and it is in us to see it so.”

For Gifts are best appreciated in deep gratitude.
Bidding adieu to 2018
In Gratitude for the year that was
And in Hope for the year 2019
And many more that will be…
Let the light of joy in our hearts carry us through
Towards Happier Healthier and Healing times
For the world in and around us !

Wishing you all a wonderful New year 2019 ❤👌❤

Savvy Raj