Savvy Raj

Live Life Lovingly!


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The Path to Resurrection

Mental /Emotional abuse in relationships:

Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being

Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.

Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.

Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.

Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.

We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.

It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.

I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.

Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.

Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.

For example…

A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.

The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.

After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.

The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.

Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.

If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.

Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.

Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.

Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.

A few tips…

If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family

Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.

Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.

Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.

Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.

Realise you are meant to live not just exist.

Remember there is always a way!

Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!

Because you are enough for you!
Savvy

Contd.

Dynamics of Power

Read On Domination Part 1


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The path of the heart!

Dance the path of the heart

You are an energy field and possess unique energy. What is learning to dance going to do to you?

Dancing regularly opens blockages that were and channelizes your energy and brings your rational emotional and physical self to alignment gradually. Nothing is ever achieved in a hurry similarly the effects and impact movements can have to our mental makeup is a gradual process. Change albeit a certainty, it remains to be experienced, how focused learning and shifts of perspectives through training happen, and where and what the positive changes evolve into.

Often learning to dance is looked at very superficially as a means to entertainment. It depends on the individual desire for fulfilment, as much as the wants and needs to steer and shift the energy to focus.

An artistic expression of movements has the power to engage audiences as much as empower them with feelings from excitement to ecstasy bringing the emotions to surface and evolve the spirit.

There is then a greater responsibility in imparting holistic education in art. There is the need to clarify the content and channelize art with care as it has the capacity to mould the impressionable, pliable adaptable, receptive, flexible mind and body of an interested and eager learner.

The path of traversing through the heart of movements unfolds lessons to reach the connectedness between the spirit and soul. A journey in patience, with passionate perseverance.

Dance is truly a path of the heart.

Savvy Raj


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Handle stress wisely!

Many times in our lives, many of us are at times challenged and confounded by these moments, that I would prefer to call ‘ What if ‘moments. Like for instance ‘if only I had done this , if only I had said that, if only I had the sense to think this way and so on and so forth!!!
The main reason I feel these feelings occur is that when we are faced with a trying situation for e.g. sometimes some of us buckle under the pressure, maybe to conform with the norm or worry about what is the ideal way to behave that we don’t focus on what is necessary for the moment and fail to capitalize on our strengths.

A few of us feel threatened enough to attack the offender or be brutal enough verbally or physically and regret later about our lack of discretion and control.
Still others who are so numbed by what is happening end up being dumbfounded that they don’t know what struck them… And there are those who are quite indifferent to the situation so much that you wonder if they are human at all only to realise later that there is an emotionally charged outburst long after the stressful event.
Basically when one is feeling pressured or during extreme stress of a new situation with a feeling of being pushed to a wall , we need to be aware of it , but the force of what is coming must be cleverly deflected from our path and neutralised.

If only this learning is valued, taught and applied many of us will be much happier souls. This means we must learn to be present in the moment, for which we first need to develop a keen sense of balance and control in all areas of our life. In thoughts words and deeds. This in itself is a powerful tool to calm a person enough to handle any so called crisis. When we are in a state of balance we are clearer in what we want and our existing resources.

This opens up possibilities of channelling the strengths of our resources positively to the common good of all.

Daily we could simply strive to imbibe at least some of these in our lives…..

  • To reduce our impulsive reactions
  • To balance our needs and expectations
  • To conquer our ego but value ourselves.
  • To focus on the present moment
  • To cleanse the mind by thought awareness
  • To cleanse the body by healing movements
  • To learn to be patient and develop perseverance
  • To understand the importance of
    equanimity and composure
  • To control anger and other sensory indulgences
  • To be kind, generous, open minded and tolerant
  • To believe in equality
  • To conquer our unnecessary fears and inhibitions
  • To live our lives lovingly, completely being in every moment of it without passing it up for another time!
  • To develop a sense of respect for self and equally respect another.
Finally to be grateful for all that we have at this moment…

When we have the grace of gratefulness we will possibly be more balanced and composed to deal with situations wisely and life’s moments will turn to be positively enriching experiences.

Savvy Raj


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Silence Speaks

What is Silence?

Silence is poetry in unspoken prose

Silence is a dance in stillness to soundless music.

Silence is a hush beyond the din.

Silence is a projection of inner bliss.

Silence is a prayer in its loudest form

Silence leads and the path appears.

Trust the lessons learned in silence.

Savvy


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Just a dance every day!

An old student from years ago, and a doctor by profession sent this forward below on the benefits of dance today, saying he saw this and remembered me. I was truly touched.🙂

Yes my years spent teaching dancing have been truly rewarding and continues to enrich creatively in every moment .

I remembered writing and conducting workshops on this very subject of dance application and health enrichments many years ago and had called it’ Just a dance every day’!

Glad to share it here with great joy… And I thank my student & dear Doctor friend for remembering me after all these years.

Dancing has the ability to change the inner you for the better with external movements. MRI Scans shows that the same neurons are fired when you watch some one else dance , as it would if you are dancing yourself .

Dancing also fosters empathy, elevates mood and has the power to spread smiles….making people experience emotions which they may have never felt possible too.

In a study conducted in Italy on cardiac patients who took waltz classes not only did they develop healthier arteries,and reducing of blockages , but also reported to be in much better spirit than those who took exercise classes like cycling and treadmill..

The expressive aspect of dance releases pent up emotion and is godsend for those who find it difficult to communicate verbally.

As actions at times speaks louder than words dancers can simply bring out what they want to say in the movements.Thus dancing restores the equilibrium of the mind and body .

Dancing with a partner makes you think beyond yourself and empathise with another. Everyday if you are able to get some time to dance a bit, its a beautiful holistic way that helps in paving the way to a happy healthy, healing harmonious you.

Savvy Raj

www.danceconcepts.in


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Spectrums of Life Management

Life, in general, is receptive and open to transformation

But every stage of being has its own
Perspective in possibilities…

In the spectrums of managing life and living

In the chaos of uncertainty & insecurities…

Is a knowing, of the altering of behaviour

In empathy, understanding & support
In collaboration and consideration.

In envisioning the necessity in the possibilities

Of simplifying the solutions.
Of motivating the unmotivated
Of caring to notice the ignored
Propels engagement up a notch.

As in the such dedicated engagement
in passion &perseverance…

A purpose is born.

To manage is to understand

the vagaries of life and living

And work around it to evolve for the better.

Savvy

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