Savvy Raj

Live Life Lovingly!


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The Path to Resurrection

Mental /Emotional abuse in relationships:

Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being

Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.

Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.

Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.

Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.

We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.

It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.

I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.

Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.

Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.

For example…

A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.

The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.

After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.

The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.

Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.

If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.

Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.

Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.

Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.

A few tips…

If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family

Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.

Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.

Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.

Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.

Realise you are meant to live not just exist.

Remember there is always a way!

Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!

Because you are enough for you!
Savvy

Contd.

Dynamics of Power

Read On Domination Part 1


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Love : A gift of grace


What is life if not sensed with the tenderness of the heart

What is life if not sacrificed at the altar of love,

What is life if not moved from the depth of the soul.

What is life if not loved beyond the shackles of time.

What is life if not consumed sublime by the arrow of the heart

What is love if not coached into nature of life by the nurture of love …

What is life if not cleansed through tears of yearning.

What is love if not set aglow through the embers of passion

What is life if not basked in the warmth of love

What is life if not pining in the patience awaiting

As love conquers you it blesses you in the knowing.

Make not a mockery of love

Serenade love and allow it to speak truth

Love surfaces from the depth of emotions

To mend you and this world to a better place.

As true love is eternal

Free as bird in flights of oblivion

Travelling in the abandon

Of the wilderness of the spirit

Yet bonded in the boundless infinity

Endless love a gift of grace

Acknowledge this treasure

Blending two souls in one.

As a life loved is well lived… such a rare sight!

What a blessing it truly is….A love like that!

Savvy


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Acceptance

When life pans out
All the colours of the spirit and soul
Just as much as the joy’s in the hues and tints.
There are many shades and tones that challenge…

The path is interspersed with light and dark
Reflections of light
Dance and disappear
Like the passing clouds…

At times an incessant downpour of density
Like unrelenting thunderstorms
Even flashing lights through without respite
Excesses have a way of wearing itself out.

Like the colours of nature
Are known to balance themselves out…
Accept to blend and flow
In the seasons that change

And yet stay clearly distinguished
Maintaining the beauty in their vividity
Know the night moves on to the day
All is in flow in the circle of life.

Savvy


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Are you where your feet are?

Are you where your feet are?
Can your heart and mind meet as one?
Can your thoughts & deeds mean the same ?

Are your words from the heart?
Are you comfortable in your own skin?
Do you feel one with yourself?
Are you grounded enough?

Are you where your feet are?
Are you truly in this now?

Savvy


11 Comments

Once upon a time

Once upon a time

Long long ago

In a far away land

Was a sweet little child

Who used to have a fairy tale book

Read to her by her dear mother

Every night as she was tucked into bed

She would hear a story from her mom

But there were clauses to this plan.

It was a given thing between the two

The story had to have a happy ending

The story includes people and animals

Or even a garden of fruits and flowers

Enchanting stories of courage and dare

Of compassion and care

Of humanity at large

In goodwill and love

Or even seemingly silly stories

Of life and living in general

Of fun and frolic.

But there was a pact between the two

Which her mother followed to the tee.

Simply there was one area

The story must not go to or be

Of things above in the sky.

Although her mother was too drawn

To explore the mystery of space…

But the little girl felt a little too lost

To fathom space and beyond

May be it was just her nature

Or perhaps there was more to it

Of why she was uncomfortable with unknown space!

Leaving a few musings in contemplation…

Are fears rational or just an illusion in the making?

What are irrational fears?

Are they there for a reason?

Do fears manifests from past lives?

Do fears eventually help us someway?

How does one overcome these fears?

Can we grow out of our little fears?

Do you have any experience of fears as a kid?

Have you chosen to outgrow them?

Have you managed to face your fears?

For life awaits on the other side of fear!

Savvy


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Cosmic Dance

Across the star spangled space ….
Where eternal time seems to standstill
Is the dance of cosmic lights
In a celebration of universal consciousness.

Hear the sounds of music
Humming through the cosmic strings
Witness the patterns shaping
In the spacing of the stars at night.

Sense the rhythm of rhapsody
In the sounds between the silent spaces
In the sacred patterns of creation
See the evolving circles of life…

Savvy


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In this now

Imagine each moment in this now
Is brimming with possibilities
Each moment is in a choice you make
The way you feel, the attitude you carry
Its charts its course of how it impacts you.

You are immensely powerful
In making the most of the moment
Your intent to see and visualize
Can change the moment for you
For moments are as you see them.

Choose to see life with a love-filled heart

Choose to see hope beyond despair

Choose to see the joy reflecting through you

Choose to shape and sculpt the moment.

Choose to smile from the heart

Choose to channel the energy of this now

Choose to steer in positive thoughts

Choose gratitude for this now

For all that you are, were and can be.

Savvy

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