Giving your attention without fear or favour and caring to understand what another is saying, before responding says a lot about the person who is listening…
Here is a true incident…
Viktor Frankl, one of the great psychiatrists of the twentieth century, survived the death camps of Nazi Germany. His little book, Man’s Search for Meaning , is one of those life-changing books that everyone should read.
Frankl once told the story of a woman who called him in the middle of the night to calmly inform him she was about to commit suicide. Frankl kept her on the phone and talked her through her depression, giving her reason after reason to carry on living. Finally she promised she would not take her life, and she kept her word.
When they later met, Frankl asked which reason had persuaded her to live?
“None of them”, she told him.
What then influenced her to go on living, he pressed?
Her answer was simple, it was Frankl’s WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN to HER in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
A world in which there was SOMEONE ready to listen to another’s pain seemed to her a world in which it was worthwhile to live.
Often, it is not the brilliant argument that makes the difference. Sometimes the small act of LISTENING is the GREATEST GIFT we can GIVE.
How can we choose to listen well?
What are the barriers to effective listening? How can we improve our listening abilities.
A few issues in listening well….or what is called Ineffective listening.
Distraction caused by the difference between speaking and thinking speeds in humans. So if the speaker speaks too slowly or too fast, the listeners may lose the plot.
At times the appearance or personality quirks or the environment changes can create distractions.
Distraction also causes the listener to show a lack of interest through body language like in posture of loss of eye contact.
Overcoming distractions requires keeness to improve and interest in personal development as much as a sense of commitment to the task at hand.
Here are a 5 tips for improving listening skills.
1. Restating . Pay full attention so as to be able to restate or paraphrase in your own words every once in a while, what it is that you have heard so as to make the speaker feel listened to.
2 Prompting . Use short and positive prompts by interjecting them in the pauses … to show interest like .. And then ? So ?or I know…
3.Validating .Express your empathy . Show that you understand what another is saying or going through. Acknowledge the issues faced by another or the feelings as they are speaking. It shows you are sincere in your concern.
4.Pausing . Allow for some gaps in the conversation.. it helps buy time to think for both the speaker and the listener . As it helps process the information. Silences are great tools to let go the unnecessary gibberish and loose-ended talks which may be counter- productive.
5.Shifting . Redirecting a speaker when needed by shifting the topic gradually changes the tone of the discussion which can at times get too aggressive or violent for comfort.
There are so many ways that develops the GIFT OF LISTENING .
Have also found that in practise, the art of listening well involves all of our senses.
After all the art of a great conversation lies in the ability to listen keenly and respond well than simply react.
Savvy
Personally speaking I have often been a good listener… yet I must confess that there are a few close friends to whom I have spoken who are such great listeners that they put me at ease.
It is truly wonderful to be listened to as much as to listen. There is so much healing in the listening as much as in the sharing. I take this opportunity to thank those friends and readers who cared to give me a listening ear and time.🙏
Today marks a personal milestone in blogging as I publish my 101st post. I have completed my continuous 100 days of writing on WordPress.
On a lark after a challenge to post a few of my favourite songs for three consecutive days came my way from a fellow blogger and friend Dr Sridhar. I decided to take it up and posted my favourite songs for three days. Then I started thinking if I could manage to post for a week and continued to write . The seven days went smooth and easy and then I upped my goal a little further to see if I could write a post everyday for a month.
I had a few ground rules established in my head . First that this was no competition to complete in pressure but simply an effort to see if I would find an inspiration to write on anything that caught my fancy each day . Second would I have the perseverance to continue and be able to dedicate time towards the effort .
Thirdly I wanted to see if I could keep my readers and audiences interested if I happen to post everyday.
And most of all I wanted to test whether my creative instincts are effected in anyway by habit…
A months regular posting on WordPress got me supercharged to aspire some more. Wp would egg me on with reminders of completing a 30th day streak of posting on WordPress.
It was no surprise that once I reached 30 I wanted to try and reach the 50th day.
Seemed then that I could do it if I was smart enough to manage my writing time around the early hours of the day. And that’s what I did.
No one in my family or friends knew much about this plan, but I was pretty clear how to go about it by then and dedicated a bit of time to writing every morning no matter what.
A few learnings.
Have a goal that seems workable, it is easier to focus.
Persevere… and believe you can work towards it.
Push your goal a step ahead as you reach a level.
Manage your time better, to make it happen
Value your goal and be dedicated.
Your creative sense will begin to work for you all the more…
Believe in your self and be passionate
Trust that you will find the way!
And most of all enjoy the journey as much as the destination.😊
Although I have written on WordPress for a few years now and I would have written and posted perhaps continously as well earlier without my own realisation. This was a task that had a goal and hence it is different to me.
The last few months have been personally challenging in terms of health where I was even admitted to the hospital and I am continuing to battle a condition that might require surgery soon. So basically being unwell literally I use the relatively painfree bits of time in the day, I have in my hands for creative enrichment …be it writing or painting and more.
Blogging through I reached my 50th day of posting. And I knew I couldn’t stop it in my heart . The magic figure of 100 floated in my mind and I was sold to the idea of making it happen.
Today it is the 101st day streak of publishing a post everyday and I truly wonder how I managed it all along with my present condition.
My biggest take back has been the loving support and generous comments from my readers which kept me going . But other than that was a learning and affirmation that if we really make up our mind , we can beat the odds and find a way to acheive our goal .
Besides that I realised how my reading others blogs and writing every day would bring up some topic to contemplate creatively for the next day. The best part was I never had to try too hard … every post I wrote and shared I enjoyed with all my heart.
Writing gives me a sense of completion.
A feeling of contentment of a job well done. And if its well received it truly makes my day… and my fellow writers this I am pretty sure you would agree as well.
Thank you my dear readers and friends for staying with me right through. It has been an absolute pleasure to share and learn along the way… on what I can gratefully now call Project 101.
Wishing an awesome year 2019 for us all !
God bless all!
Savvy
Is the divergerence in thoughts and paths that makes us who we are.
Our personality is shaped in nature and in the nurture.
To each is their own path to survival!
Life happens in the choosing to say yes or no when required, to respond or react to the situation while accepting the challenges of life and daring to explore as well as in allowing the self to be all that it can be.
Every step is yours to take…
Make every step you take, interesting along the way!
Any body who is too stressed or confused should read this again and again..
Nuggets of wisdom in a Nutshell.
Inspired from the Mahabharata…Here is a interesting take on the conversations between Krishna & Today’s Arjun. Read it loud to family.
Truly an inspiring read.
1. Arjun :- I can’t find free time. Life has become hectic.
Krishna:- Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you free.
2. Arjun :- Why has life become complicated now?
Krishna :- Stop analyzing life… It makes it complicated. Just live it.
3. Arjun :- Why are we then constantly unhappy?
Krishna :- Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.
4. Arjun :- Why do good people always suffer?
Krishna :- Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer.
With that experience their life becomes better, not bitter.
5. Arjun :- You mean to say such experience is useful?
Krishna :- Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test first and the lessons later.
6. Arjun :- Because of so many problems, we don’t know where we are heading…
Krishna:-If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides the way.
7. Arjun :- Does failure hurt more than moving in the right direction?
Krishna:- Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you.
8. Arjun :- In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
Krishna :- Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
9. Arjun :- What surprises you about people?
Krishna :-When they suffer they ask, “why me?” When they prosper, they never ask “Why me?
10. Arjun :- How can I get the best out of life?
Krishna:- Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
11. Arjun :- One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
Krishna:- There are no unanswered prayers. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.
Your abilities have a way of appearing In bringing forth your inner purpose. Even if you haven’t utilized them yet, They will be visible to others at some point or the other.
If you ever feel you don’t have it in you, For whatever reason, to pursue your gifts and talents, Keep the faith and use your abilities To bring out the best in others. Reach out to help others trust themselves.
Give hope wherever you can. Immerse yourself in spreading goodwill. You will find yourself on the path that’s meant for you.
Your unique set of talents are gifts you own. If you feel you do not know the way To use them for yourself Use them to help others in need And in that you will find your way!
A few tips…
In a world that can entangle you with varied opinions and beliefs…know you are a multifaceted unique individual.
Allow yourself to take time and understand your spectrum of being .
Accepting yourself is a great start to being you.
In knowing your self you are able to discern what your choices are and gradually you are able to be comfortable with your own self. Remember everyone of us here have our own journey of life to explore and fathom.
Allow yourself to explore the truths of your own being.
Be authentic enough to avoid being who you are not . It simply cannot last too long. And it is not a path towards your purpose of being.
Being yourequires a whole lot of respect for yourself as you are. In moments of turmoil and confusion, just say to yourself ‘ I am enough for me’ …
There is great power of truth in these simple words .
Trust that you are enough for you.
In 1997, Pamela Redmond Satran wrote a list for Glamour Magazine. Having already passed her thirtieth birthday,her goal was to tell younger women about “the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone.” It not only resonated, it became a phenomenon. To this day,the now bestselling author’s list continues to make its way across the web, via sites, inboxes, and social feeds, experiencing recurring surges of viral popularity. Yet, up until very recently, in typical not-giving-credit-where-credit-is-due internet form, it was most often shared with either no attribution to Pamela or tagged as someone else’s work, including “Maya Angelou’s Best Poem Ever.”
Here are 15 interesting points from that list …
1)”A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
……..
2)A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
3)A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
………..
4)A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
………..
5)A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny…
6)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..
7)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…
8)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
9)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
10)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect..but its over…
11)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
12)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
13)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
14)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
15)EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
So much for the creativity passed on without credit.
And here is a dedication to Every Woman out there…Enjoy 💖👍💖
An interesting article for those who believe that all we see is all that exists.
It stimulates our lateral thinking :
To something that is beyond!!
This lovely parable is from “Your Sacred Self” by Dr. Wayne Dyer.
In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”
The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”
The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”
The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”
The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”
The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”
The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”
Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”
To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”
*May be this is one of the best explanations to the concept of ‘GOD/Source’!*
Your superficial imperfections cannot break your spirit
For your spirit is alive and kicking,
With much to do and make a mark.
Every moment is too precious to waste.
Add some self-love and spirit
While you converse with your mirror.
For its high time, indeed;
Make that mirror work for you.
Use it well to help yourself.
Turn yourself into a confident you.
Present yourself in the best possible light.
Believe in who you truly are and what you can do.
There is much power that is awaiting you.
So, meet and greet your reflection with faith!
Savvy
Many of us may have had a love-hate relationship with mirrors at different periods of our lives. It is, however, the extremes of behaviour that one must bring awareness into. The mirror becomes a narcissistic tool of overt admiration bordering on self-indulgence. Then there are those for whom the mirror becomes a bane of their existence; it depresses them every time they catch their reflection.
Befriend the Mirror
Life is full of changes, and it certainly takes a whole lot of self-understanding to come to a place of comfort with your changing self in various points of life.
There is utter confidence in the brashness of youth; mellow musings find their way a few decades later, and then, we are overcome with resigned indifference bordering on self-negligence. Acceptance of the changing self than denial makes you befriend yourself as you are.
That is the game-changer. For then, you reflect the power of what is truly within.
Gentleness is not a weakness.
Infact it requires much mustering of strength.
The one who has seen pain enough
Has two paths before him laid
One of revenge and hate for that which he endured
Or a path of understanding that gentleness is the way
Through winds of misfortune and misgivings
The path of the heart leads to awakenings in awareness.
Of feeling the suffering in empathy for fellow beings.
What we endure today may have been endured by someone before
So why not create a path of compassion
Knowing change begins with you.
Savvy Raj 
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