An interesting quote on relationships I read this morning…
The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it’s not without doubt but in spite of doubt.
Rollo May
As I reflected on the above words a few thoughts came to me…
On life and relationships
Is there an interplay of doubt and commitment?
Is there commitment when in doubt?
What happens when doubt creeps in the committed?
Whenever they intersect there are conflicts
Whether at opposition or not
Both are in thoughts
Dashing from one extreme to another
At times contradicting at times rationalising
And returning back to apparent normalcy
When doubt dances in, commitment feels the burn
When commitment is strong, doubt rests on the back burner.
Have always felt there needs to be trust in a relationship as much as compromise else even the strongest of relationships fall apart.
Are we waiting for some opportunity to meet someone dear to us?
The Age Of Relationships
The story of four close friends from school, who studied in the same school up to SSC.
At that time, there was only one luxury hotel in the city.
After the SSC exam, they decided that they should go to that hotel and have some tea and breakfast. The four of them could hardly collect forty rupees. It was a Sunday and all four of them reached the hotel by bicycle at ten-thirty.
Dinesh, Santosh, Manish, and Praveen started talking while having breakfast and tea. All four of them decided unanimously, that they would meet again after 40 years in the same hotel on 1st April.
“Till then we all should work very hard. It will be interesting to see how much progress has been made after 40 years,” they discussed.
It was also decided that the last one to reach the hotel then, would have to pay the bill for that day.
Kalu, the waiter who served them tea and snacks, was listening to all this. He said, “If I stay here till then, I’ll be waiting for you all.”
All four separated for further education.
Dinesh had left the city after his father got relocated, Santosh went to his uncle for further studies, and Manish and Praveen got admission to different colleges in the city.
Eventually, Manish also left the city.
Days, months, and years passed.
In forty years, the city underwent a radical change. The population of the city increased, and roads, flyovers, and malls changed the appearance of the city.
Now that hotel had become a five-star hotel, the waiter Kalu had now become Mr. Kalu, the owner of this hotel.
Forty years later, on the scheduled date, April 1st, at noon, a luxury car came to the door of the hotel.
Dinesh got out of the car and started walking towards the porch. He now had three jewellery showrooms.
Dinesh reached the hotel owner Mr. Kalu, and both of them kept looking at each other. Mr. Kalu said, “Praveen sir had booked a table for you a month back.”
Dinesh was heartily happy that he was the first of the four, so he wouldn’t have to pay the bill that day and would make fun of his friends for it.
After a while, Santosh arrived. Santosh had become a big builder of the city. For his age, he now looked like an old senior citizen.
Now, they both were talking and waiting for the other friends. The third friend, Manish also came in half an hour. On talking to him, both of them came to know that Manish was now a businessman.
The three friends kept looking towards the door again and again, wondering when Praveen would come.
Soon, Mr. Kalu came to them and said, “A message has come from Praveen sir. He’s asked you all to start with snacks, and he’ll join you.”
All three were happy to meet each other after forty years, laughing and joking for hours, but Praveen did not come.
Mr. Kalu said, “Praveen sir has sent another message, you three should order your favourites from the menu and start eating.”
The food was ordered, but even after they had finished eating, Praveen did not show up. When the three asked for the bill, they were told that the bill has been paid online.
At eight o’clock in the evening, a young man got down from the car and with a heavy heart reached the three friends preparing to leave the hotel. The three couldn’t take their eyes off the man.
The young man said, “I am your friend’s son Ravi, my father’s name is Praveen. Dad had told me about your get together today, he was waiting for this day, but he passed away last month due to a serious illness…
He had asked me to come late because if I had come early, it would have made you all sad. Dad had said, “My friends will not laugh if they come to know that I am not in this world, then they would lose the joy of meeting each other… I don’t want that.”
That’s why he ordered me to come late. He also asked me to hug you on his behalf.” Ravi spread both his hands with watery eyes.
Everyone around was eagerly watching this scene, they thought they had seen this young man somewhere.
Ravi said, “My father became a teacher and gave me a good education to become the collector. Today, I am the collector of this city…”
Everyone was amazed, Mr. Kalu said, “Now, it won’t be after forty years, but we will meet in our hotel every month, and each time there will be a grand party from my side….”
Friends, keep meeting your loved ones, don’t wait for any opportunity to meet someone, we never know when it’s time to get separated and we may never get to meet again…
The journey of life is also like a train journey. When someone’s station comes, they will have to be dropped at that moment. Only a few blurry memories would remain!
Stay with family, feel the joy of being alive..
Keep meeting your loved ones, not only on special days but also on other occasions, and sometimes without any reason too. May the tree of our relationships be nourished by the water of love, for whom we do not have to wait for any reason or opportunity to meet.
Dear friends, when you are reading this story, if someone comes to your mind, do talk to them for two minutes. We have all the facilities! ♾️
“We must take time for the people around us and enjoy the beauty of life.”
Two ways of thinking…. Familiarity breeds contempt While the absence makes the heart fonder.
One…
All seems wonderful in the beginning As time goes by time takes its toll. Straining the togetherness Cracking apart at its seams Creating distances and gaps that grow Making the memories sustain in hope Or seek a closure in forgetfulness.
Two…
In isolation and silence Seeds of thoughts find time to germinate In both exclusion or seclusion The heart longs for companionship The thoughts turn to fond remembrances Of bygone memories of the good times Life tries to recall & recreate those times. To salvage what is left and cherish Knowing the priceless treasures it brings. Hence the absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Life moves on and finds new beginnings Yet in adaptability & flexibility Nature continues its pathway All comes a full circle. Such is the circle of life.
Qualities of a Leader mentioned by the esteemed and the honourable Dr Abdul Kalam Azad. All these are valuable qualities in leadership.
A Visionary:
Without knowing where to lead the followers how can a leader execute his plan?
Equanimity
Without being able to be balanced in equanimity in both actions and attitude, how can a leader be able to ride the storms and manifest the changes in the challenges?
Nobility
Without enabling the heart and mind to be transparent to each other, how can a leader be synched in the decisions taken?
An Explorer
Without being open to an explorer’s mindset how can the leadership survive in this cutthroat world?
A decision maker
Without a focused approach and timely decisions taken with courage how can leadership know what to do ahead?
Integrity: Without a sense of honesty and morality how can the leader lead others?
And I love the wisdom in these words. For this is what to me, is the sign of a great leader.
Years ago when I was in the university doing my masters, I have a distinct memory of our Head of the Department carrying a book which read. ‘Don’t bite more than you can chew ‘ written in bold on the cover. A diminutive bespectacled gentleman every day he would carry it along with him to his lectures. And habitually as he reached his table he would carefully place it towards him and then start to speak.
The words on the book always intrigued me for its significance in our life and living.
Today as we discuss the art of management I see how this applies so beautifully. Commitment is an art of management. To manage your ability, capacity and resources at hand optimally and sustain it successfully learning to avoid overcommitment is a necessary skill.
A few Tips On the Art of Responsible Commitment.
Avoid over-commitment. To fulfil any commitment, before committing, simply make sure to clarify and define your own abilities and capacities to yourself. And communicate that in your actions as it will steer you clear from falling short of expectation from others.
Be wary ofover-compensating Remember every time you are over-committing somewhere you are weakening the very relationships you are trying to strengthen either your family or with your self by trying to overcompensate.
Respect your need for well-being as over-commitment is stressful and creates opportunities for health issues gradually.
Strive tobring a sense of balance. You know your abilities best. If you wish to expand your horizons and venture beyond your comfort zone, trust your intuitive intellect it certainly will not let you down.
Inculcate integrity in your approach to commitment at home and work for a balanced life and living.
To bring back a sense of compatibility between the factions is to resolve to find mutual ground. Tip 4: Resolve to Reconcile
The idea of any kind of truce to see eye to eye is not easy, but then war is never the answer. In management, Conflict Resolution is an important skill in the arena towards issue settlements by finding the middle ground.
From the suggestion of mutual benefits to warring parties in a dispute by a shared positive interest of a goal and clarification of needs in the situation at hand and if need be coercing an influence goes a long way in securing a reconciliation and resolution of conflicts.
Creativity stems from the acceptance of your authentic self. It is a never-ending journey of endless possibilities that is much beyond the pursuit of a hobby or craft and can be a habit of a lifetime. So besides being a Dance Educator as a Wellness coach, I offer a variety of Personal Effectiveness Programs for Self-development.
Being a Writer and a Designer creating art gives me immense satisfaction with the infinite ways of expressing myself as I believe in enjoying the journey as much as the destination.
Leadership is a quality that is the backbone of People Management skills. An ability to lead well is an asset to any organisation. To be able to take the lead and lead well there must a deeper understanding of people and their needs besides being a quick thinker and a whole lot of self-confidence. A positive inclination, an assertive approach, determination with a focused attitude to life can be a tool for a successful stint at sustained leadership.
Nurturing is a life affirming process ….rooted in bettering care and creating hope for a better life. There are many experiments conducted to support how even an exposure to nature like being amidst trees and tranquil places, hearing birdsongs and watching the sky , the sea and the sand can be extremely nurturing for ones health and wellbeing. The healing element associated with nature, is in the nurture it provides to replenish the soul.
The very nature of nurturing is both very inclusive and expansive in the same breath.The scope of positive outcomes of good nurturing is deeply significant to humanity at large . For that is what is truly important to sustain our planet . Every being’s effort in nurturing the world in and around him to thrive.
At the root of Creativity is a nurtured thought process. To nurture is to nourish the being with appropriate care.
Speaking of care giving, it is often a part of nurturing which can be rather challenging to say the least. In case of elders there can be a lot of unexplained resentment the care giver has to deal with for many seniors may take a while to come to terms with the many aspects of growing old.
Patience can have its limits too and with growing intolerance in a world which is more about the sense of self importance, the need to achieve much can stifle any thoughts of pursuing time consuming and almost never ending aspects of nurturing .
It is true the world is getting a little too self centered . However the realization of the impacts of an uncaring and indifferent citizens of the world is also hitting home and that too right from the modern changes of family systems in place.
The concern for global warming and carbon imprints is touching an all time high for the world now is slowly realizing how much it needs to nurture its own living spaces to ensure it has a world left to live at all. And thus thankfully hope is here to stay!
Parenting is a long term learning process. With the first born every parent is going through a variety of emotions and various stages of parenting. It is true as an infant it is entirely on the parents- be its safety, its cleanliness, understanding its cries for various needs- all done with so much love and care without prior experience. As the child grows so does its mode of expression, tantrums, seeking attention, and the parents learn to cope up with all of it like experts. Cherubic angels with devilish moods. It’s a 24/ 7 job with full focus. The teacher in the child starts teaching valuable lessons, you may have not come across so far in any university.
You have to constantly learn new techniques with every child. One lesson will not work with the other as they are different individuals teaching you to handle the same issues with various means.
You will be learning new lessons with every stage of their growing up. Infants to toddlers to kids, youngsters to teen agers, Young adults to grown up,men and women, each stage teaches you different lessons.
You will be learning new lessons on changing generations, their changing values, how to maintain the balance and be a bridge to keep up the tranquility and peace at home. Though every phase has its testing period, it is challenging period when they are in their teens with their need to balance their inner and outer worlds. Once you cross that successfully you can enjoy a momentary peace till the next one starts.
Coping up with the the new relations that springs up in their lives, and the need to understand their changing priorities, to accept gracefully and take the back seat in their life though they remain as ur priority , without regrets. Ability to know the strength of the bond though invisible still remains strong and intact. The list of life lessons the child teaches goes on till the end.
That is the way life has to go on.
And all the while we pride ourselves as parents and that we teach and guide our children!
Who is the real teacher here?
These are a few reflections from my mothers perspectives on Parenting.
There may be many styles of parenting and the nurturing they instill may be relative to what they received. There is no foolproof way to successful parenting as success is itself subjective. However the idea of nurturing abilities and giving space for evolving helps the holistic development of individual.On Nurturing
In a nutshell …can think of 5 A’s of Nurturing as parents… but the list never ends .
Acknowledge abilities as uniquely significant.
Appreciate the good qualities & its application.
Allow the potential of personal expression.
Accept the challenges as part of life
Adapt to changing nature.
What are your views on Parenting and nurturing? Do share.
Wisdom truly lies in the art of management of two principles in life : one of never giving up and the other of letting go.
On one side is a dedication, discipline and determination and on the other is the dispassionate discernment and in learning to surrender to balance the ego within. Every attempt at achieving such a state of balance can be a great tool for learning to evolve with the wisdom. For life is to evolve and not simply dissolve
For life is to live and not simply exist.
Take the path of purpose in faith trust and belief
Flow along with the path of light in passion and dedication .
And allow life to manifest its infinite abundance.
There is an exemplary account of life lived in such a path of evolution and enlightenment
Sharing the great visionary of India Swami Vivekananda’s account of life story in his own words here ….
“When you travel on this path of shraddha, (faith) veerya, (courage ) smiriti, (that which is remembered) you have to go through three phases. The first phase is Haasya (laughter/humour). People will make fun of you. Face them. Accept them. When you are taunted, reply in the same tone of haasya. Then slowly the inner consciousness starts evolving. Then comes the second stage ‘Virodha’.(opposition/ hostility) The same people will start opposing your stance – Accept all the opposition. Don’t fight with anybody. Don’t argue. The moment you get into the argument, then you are going to suffer. If you argue while you are going through lot of internal turmoil’s, conflicts and confusions, you will not be able to convince anybody. So, during the second part of sadhana, (dedicated practice)don’t argue with anybody. Convert the negativity into a positive fragrance and give this in return. Then comes the third stage of ‘Svekaara'(acceptance). The same people who laughed at you, the same people who threw stones, will do pranams ( respectful salutation)& accept you.
In my own life, I have experienced this but I had to pay heavily. Those who taught me became my students but only after I did tapas for 10 years continuously and silently. Understand one thing. Inner sadhana is not a revolution but an evolution. Revolution requires force, vengeance. Evolution requires love, humility and a great feeling of universal love. The consciousness has to evolve. This is an evolutionary process where the bud flowers. We have to allow time for the bud to flower. It will not flower in one day. It takes time. It has to receive proteins, vitamins and the necessary energy for all petals to open out. You have to have a great patience. You have to create an environment for the petals to bloom silently. This is Sadhana. “Swami Vivekananda
Any path of passionate dedication and discipline evolves you along in the strength of persevarance
To honor your path and vision is a task of a lifetime.
To steer clear of slack and sloth, lethargy and languidity takes a consistent mastering of the senses.
To stay true to your chosen way and vision is a commitment driven by your belief and faith in your life’s purpose of being.
To know is to reach beyond the sensing of the eternal truth of ones being .
And all the challenges happening along in the journey, will resolve in time on its own as the intent and focus remains unwavered.
For life itself is a spark of the divine consciousness.
A life spent enriching others as much as ones own.
A life lived like that is ever blessed in grace
For wherever the soul resides
It is always shining in eternal light.
Savvy
Had written these verses on hearing an account of the journey of a life well lived …. nurturing a life of goodness and generating goodwill .
Feel compelled to share this with my readers and ask what would you think is a true legacy? … and most importantly have you seen or influenced by someone following such a path upclose.
The picture above holds a special place in my heart. Taken in the lovely city of Athens Greece during the World Congress of Dance Research held there. A common passion for dancing brought us together that memorable evening.
Over the years we may have gone on with our lives in different zones of space and time…but am pretty sure, whenever we lay our eyes on this picture, it is sure to make us three smile with all our hearts remembering this lovely evening back then.😊
Savvy Raj 
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