Our cellular awareness is trained to transmit messages through feelings that convey where words fail. It is embedded within our conscious awareness to guide us from inside out. Many of our beliefs in trust, faith and hope are powered in and from this core of our consciousness.
In this understanding is the reason for the purpose of why we do what we do, why we feel the way we feel, have an instinctual sensation of the direction of where a path leads to. In the confluence of creativity in connection & compassion, there is confidence emanating through our deeds.
When we lead from here, many of our so-called equations held through by analysis often fail to make much sense.
When we follow in faith we move in synchrony with ourselves as we are not just in a flow, we are the flow.
Domestic abuse happens and it need not be only physical abuse.
In my career as a dance educator and teacher spanning two decades now, I have come across many situations of mental abuse that some of my female students experienced and shared with me in the course of time. Believe me, it is a lot more rampant than we choose to accept. Some time ago I had written an article extensively on the Dignity of the being
Back then I had brought forward a true story of my own poor house help and how she stood strong in spite of continued physical torture in the hands of an abusive alcoholic husband.
Consider this a continuation of the exercise to bring up another much undercover and consciously veiled topic… of the shades and degrees of mental and emotional harassment in the name of relationships.
Age, education, class or culture does not seem to matter. It could happen to just about anyone. In fact, some very educated women, students who were affected by such partners cut a very sorry and disheartening figure, privately after the class.
Hoping however best I could use abilities in my capacity would help, I used to hold some space and time free for them to share and express what is going on in their lives. And to make them realise the power of positive expression, in helping them know that they are not alone and helpless.
We as dance educators can be if need be and when required, a great source of support to our learners in our understanding of movement. For the body never lies, we can probably be tuned in to see which of our students needs our gentle guidance and support as well from time to time.
It hurts to see a seemingly brilliant and confident woman breakdown under the weight of abuse and harassment at home. Often they would break down to share their issues with me for want of support. In the course of listening and understanding of their frustration my abilities to counsel strengthened as I started offering supported listening for their unique predicament.
I ended up realising how no two situations are the same. And besides a dominating and subjugating nature of an individual, how alcohol or substance abuse ( even chewing tobacco)are often factors that cause aggressive behaviour other than work stress and financial worries.
Often the woman finds herself in a predicament when the aggressor’s behaviour differs like chalk and cheese between day and night. There may be mental torture inflicted under the influence of a few drinks. The reasons no matter but when words and tempers spew, unfiltered and uncontrolled especially at the fag end of the day, the victim often is clueless as to how to deal with the situation.
Often drained by sporadic and incessant attacks they end up weakened by sleeping less, tossing and turning through the night wondering what they did to hear so much insinuating words. Health issues crop up in time as the body cannot cope with the confusion. And probably without any physical evidence to show, mental torture is difficult to prove. There are not many readily accessible support groups she could go here in India as yet and for the fear of judgements she prefers to suppress her hurt.
For example…
A dominating husband has a bad day at work. He gathers up all the rage and is seething inside.
His vent becomes his wife and family and often he comes home late night in a foul mood and spews venomous hate over his loved ones. Often it may be a time when all at home are asleep at night.
The reasons or the trigger to get angry could be just about anything.
It could be about a deal that did not come through at office… which he may carry forth on the home front… it first converts to deep-rooted rage and lack of patience and tolerance in general. It could be about anything …like, not picking up the phone when he calls, it could be about the lunch sent from home, which he found had less salt, it could be about not opening the door on time, it could be about a credit card swipe at a supermarket which irks him.
After such attacks especially at night most often there is regret in the morning for the words said, but it cannot be taken back.. And pride and ego stops him from feeling or saying sorry and taking help for amending his ways. The patterns continue. Cold silence ensues on both ends for want of peace. Until things settle in the course of time only to rise again another day.
The victim is often clueless about how to help in such a situation as she is continually bombarded with her weaknesses and told that all problems arise because of her. She often takes recourse to silence as there may be extended family members staying with them or for the fear that the children would hear and get hurt further.
Dealing with anger and rage and temper tantrums.
If you are ever at the receiving end of unforeseen anger you need to brace yourself from getting hurt and affected due to sensitivity.
Especially when you are confronted with a situation where you are taken aback by someone spewing anger all over you, showering you with mean and unnecessary words and raining abuses over you for something you did not do, as well as creating a ruckus about silly things… remember your best weapon is non-retaliation.
Try as they might to get you to say something by provoking with crude words … do not engage.
There is nothing like nonengagement for handling mental and emotionally abusive relationships.
It does not mean that you accept the pain and hurt rather you are aware of what works and how it is a more sensible way to tackle such a circumstance.
Also, it helps to understand that the aggressor is perhaps suffering and doesn’t know to channel and deal with the issues at hand and perhaps takes the path of bullying, manipulating, attacking by verbally insinuating and insulting to counter the situation. Know and accept they need help too. If they have any sense left they ought to get it for their own self. Remember the saying, you can only take the horse to the water but it has to drink on its own. So accept that you are doing your best and let go of worries.
Yes, it amounts to a great degree of emotional maturity to be silent and not succumb to such provocation.
A few tips…
If you find yourself identifying with any such predicament, allow yourself to express yourself.
Take help, speak to an emotionally mature member of your immediate family
Do not suppress in the morning for you know deep inside that this can and will happen again. It is just a matter of time.
Let them know there is so much that you are going through and that you need help.
Sleep as much as you can for you might often be sleep deprived.
Take interest in what you are feeding your body, avoid junk for you might just be nutritionally deficient with all the mental tensions and conflicts.
The body needs a vent to release the contracted pain, exercise well as much as you can.
Breathing consciously deeper with awareness can calm the agitated mind.
If you can write, regularly try to maintain a journal of gratitude for all the good things that are happening with you.
Look around and notice your blessings. They will be in the form of children, friends, pets, your skills, your faith, your inner resilience or your never say die attitude.
Realise you are meant to live not just exist.
Remember there is always a way!
Remember you are full of inner strength that you can harness even in your vulnerability.
Trust that this faith in yourself will take you through!
The teacher who says he is a master
Is no master at all.
A teacher is the one who teaches
What he has learned in life…
To teach is to learn some more!
To teach is to simply impart the learning in the sharing there is learning to imbibe.
Life is after all a great teacher
As it is the nature of life that masters it all.
All are but students in the way of life.
No one is perfect
No one knows it all
No one has mastered it all
Wisdom flows from living life
Everyone is a teacher in a way
Every one is a student in a way.
Let’s all remember
To own up to ourselves
The way we are
Flawed or not
Scarred or not
But thankful as we are.
Gradually we are strengthened in gratitude.
Acknowledging the preciousness of life.
And Life thrives…
It is amazing how creativity is enhanced by leaps and bounds in the age of the internet . Especially with an app ready for every possibility.
Before the internet, drawing was a skill that was an innate gift or had to be honed by years of practical training. Back then artistry was challenging and time-consuming and most of all needed patience and dedication.
Having developed a bit of interest in artistic pursuits I remember enrolling in courses to learn the art of embossing and decorating pots, learning the intricate art of henna on the hand as well as joining a fabric designing course at a very famous and leading fashion institute of those times which I truly enjoyed and excelled in. And I remember using the understanding to create and sell my artworks and being rewarded not only monetarily but also emotionally through the contentment of creativity becoming tangible. The course of learning and experiencing it all was truly very fascinating indeed.
Today I draw a parallel on how one has to know how at the touch of a phone, the apps take you through the course at the speed you want, you can erase the art you create and redo at will, as often as you fancy. And most of all your drawings get texture, special effects and animation and you can even create a live 3d model for you to touch and sense!
Technology can charm the living daylights of you indeed!
Yet there are certain senses that are not touched upon…
The feel of holding a brush of colour, it flowing on the paper, and at times may be in error and you working around it creatively.
The sense of proportion in actually mixing medium and paints and getting the right shade.
The touch of canvas or other mediums and the way it feels after the painting.
The simple satisfaction of being able to feel connected to your artwork right through it all. It creates an intimate relationship between the art and the artist.
To be fair Art today has evolved along the way, there is computer precision and ease of use through applications that take artmaking to infinite possibilities.
The potential of an artist can increase leaps and bounds and endless pieces and options of colour choices can be churned out at the touch of a few keys. Everything is customisable giving the advantage to both the artist as much as the customer.
The scope and reach of creativity through Art is definitely increasing and that is a development worth noting. Everyone can create amazing art now unlike before. And that is quite an interesting phenomenon. Knowledge is openly accessible for the user.
In spite of the amazing advantages of technology, human emotional and creative connect is yet a challenge.
But nevertheless, I have chanced upon apps that give a great sense & feel of creating art.
Every life is uniquely endowed with perspectives and experiences. A living book is a human who shares his life’s stories and wisdom with willingness with another interested individual.
If the conversation is interesting the living book is read some more but if it does not meet the requirements of the individual reader, he is free to get up and find another living book to meet and connect.
Living books library concept is an interesting way to bring together learnings from life experiences directly on a one to one basis and a group setting. The conversation depends on what you want to understand and turn it towards.
Life teaches us much and every human can benefit from unedited direct soul to soulful connects where words flow at the moment. In such connection is the transparency of truth that is glaringly stark from a book of prewritten words arranged in a format predesigned to sell in the market.
Life is so much than being a business. In these discussions, the reader or the learner and the living book are both free to direct the course of the conversation without constraints.
Unlike a regular library of books, the human library is a gathering of humans and is event-based.
There are many functioning human book libraries all around the world today.
The concept began in Copenhagen Denmark in 2000. The idea is to be nonjudgemental and engage in a dialogue that helps break barriers and social prejudices. The human book could be anyone who has a story to tell and is ready to share it. Or someone who has gone through any kind of discrimination and wants to share their experiences openly. So next time you want to explore the idea of reading a book, consider and lookout for opportunities to connect with a human book!
Learn to sift through the chaff.
All your endeavours are nothing without a proactively engaged people
Invest in integrity. It goes a long way.
If you can’t find a hire you want, look around,
Give a chance to those at the office
Maybe there is someone there who has the required talent. And all they need is a bit of training.
Recognize genuine interest to do work.
Whoever it may be.
And value sincerity even if age or experiences are not on their side.
Allow people to grow, value & respect good intentions.
Treat them well without favour and
not only if they are useful for a reason and for a while.
Who knows who comes in handy.
Yes, you may be a startup but that is no excuse for not pulling up your socks.
Every bit of professionalism matters.
And make sure you practice what you preach.
Don’t lose your temper in stressful times. It leaves a mark of imbalance.
Every person on your side is a valuable addition to your enterprise.
A company is only as good as the company of people working in it.
One manship or one-man shop is never the answer
Hire positive people at all levels, not dictators and procrastinators.
And if you by chance happen to see someone, coming in daily without fail,
on their own without any excuses, and trying to do something for the better, notice them and give them training and the resources to flourish.
You will gain from not wasting their talent and time .
Respect another’s time as much as you respect yours.
Have written and dedicated a couple of posts earlier on the topic of Giving.
But here is my dear mother’s philosophical perspectives where she focuses on the the spiritual mindset in giving.
Dhaanam
There is a saying in Tamil.” What ur right hand gives, the left hand should not know”. True. While giving, unknowingly a little superiority, seeps in. To counter our ego secrecy n humility is needed. Giving is called Dhaanam .
There are various types of giving. It can be of anything. Money used unwanted items like clothes or other durables, food items, even sharing your knowledge is a form of giving.
Rules of Dhaanam
Giving new unused things of good quality is the best Dhaanam. This is followed in ritualistic or religious dhaanam.
Always give with humility. Never show attitude.
Give to worthy persons. Donate to needy ones. Giving shoes to a legless person is useless . It will hurt the person reminding his disability. There is a saying ‘pathiram arindhu pichai idu. ‘
While donating unwanted used items see that it can be useful for at least six months or further. Never give throw away things.
Give happily, with a full heart. Anything given with a prayer in mind and lots of goodwill at heart will bring prosperity and happiness to both the giver and receiver.
Another important aspect of giving is never to boast or keep on reminding them. Once given it ceases to be yours… The recipient has all the freedom to use it the way they want. Do not expect a life long gratitude.
Taittriya Upanishad says
Give with faith
Give with sensitivity
Give with abundance
Give with understanding
In Bhagavat Gita, Shri Krishna talks about 3 types of Dhaanam
namely Satvic, Rajasic and Tamasic.
Satvic is the one which is given to worthy persons with full humility and without expecting returns in any form.
Rajasic is the one which is given to show supremacy or expecting some favour in return.
Tamasic is the one where one gives with attitude, without respect to place n time to undeserving persons.
Vedas describes dhaanam of 4 categories.
1. Nitya dhaanam which is given daily as part of our routine without expectation.
2 Nymithika dhaanam is giving with the intention to wash away our sins.
3 Kamya dhaanam is giving with a desire to achieve some special favours.
4. Vimala dhaanam is giving with humility, devotion and without expectation of any returns.
The best dhanams are
Anna dhaanam -. Feeding the poor( It satisfies)
Vidya dhaanam Sharing ur knowledge and skill. (It increases)
Kanya dhaanam – giving a daughter in marriage. (I think it’s about letting go of a child be it a son or daughter into their next phase of life)
Raktha dhaanam and organ dhanam-. Saving one’ s life.
Keep giving.
Give wholeheartedly.
Give with a smile.
Anjana
I would simply also like to add that
True giving is when you don’t feel the weight of parting in the giving.
You never know how many lives you are unknowingly touching.
Your true voice is not only the one you speak Your true voice is the one you may hear If and when you care to listen It may be just a whisper It may be heard just by you But it says all that you need to hear And it may be worth listening to!
The voice within us Speaks the truth of the being It expresses what you may need But do not know yet. It guides the way It is a heartfelt reminder Of all things beyond the surface. It may be wise, listening to!
Be aware that your hands are like antennae, able to pick up currents of energy from space as well as send them out. But for your hands to be able some day to attract and send out only beneficial currents, you must first pay great attention to the gestures you make in everyday life, for every gesture, however insignificant, produces a vibration. Whatever task you are performing, try to make measured, harmonious gestures, in the knowledge that you are activating forces and elements that will allow you to transpose what you are doing onto the spiritual level and therefore attain the higher levels of life. True spirituality consists in using any kind of work as a means to bring your thoughts, feelings and movements into tune with cosmic harmony. Each movement you imbue with a divine idea is recorded in the archives of your higher consciousness, from where all beneficial energies, such as love, hope and joy, will spring. – Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov
This very impressive piece of work by Polish artist Jacek Yerka called the Bible Dam caught my attention…
A few musings on similar lines. If all the knowledge of the world Could be collected and channeled To flow into a ocean of knowing Ready to pour out the learning Crystallized into books for the reading Ever ready in the giving To ease the receiving. What a wise world it would be! But is knowing simply enough?
Knowledge is willing to be shared But is the learning enough? To make the world wise Without the experiences to practice No knowledge can be worthy And no knowing really useful.
Life is in the knowing, sharing learning processing, experiencing & most of all in the living.
A father before he died said to his son: “this is a watch your grandfather gave me and is more than 200 years old. But before I give it to you, go to the watch shop on the first street, and tell him I want to sell it, and see how much he offers you”.He went, and then came back to his father, and said, “the watchmaker offered 5 dollars because it’s old”.He said to him: “go to the coffee shop”.He went and then came back, and said: “He offered $5 father”.“Go to the museum and show that watch”.He went then came back, and said to his father “They offered me a million dollars for this piece”.The father said: “I wanted to let you know that the right place values you in the right way.Don’t find yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you are not valued.Those that know your value are those who appreciate you, don’t stay in a place where nobody sees your value”.
Know your worth.
This beautiful share by a friend says much in this short story.
Beyond words… are the realms of the heart!
The voice within us.
Savvy Raj 
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