The dynamics of mentor mentee relationship is one of trust and confidence.
Building trustful mentorship requires genuine love to help guide people for the better.
Besides the required skills and expertise, mentors having an inclusive, expansive and holistic approach while helping unique pathways for clients, adds to their repertoire to create trustful mentorship .
Clarity and integrity in communication & behaviour , excellent interpersonal skills and empathic attitude add value beyond the experience and expertise of the mentors.
It is important to acknowledge the influence a mentor can have on the mentees decisions be it at work or personal life.
Hence, a good understanding of ethics while handling conflicting opinions biases, & emotional triggers helps empower the mentee than exploit them.
After all, a mentor is someone who guides advice and supports along the way…
In a group setting as a life coach it is important to balance power dynamics.
It is important to create a space of mutual respect and understanding.
Being inclusive creates an expansion of thoughts and ideas in openness tolerance and acceptance of new possibilities.
In a group setting it is important to hold space by balancing participation through inclusive ways like encouragement appreciation and rewarding contributions. This ensures the power dynamics are kept in check by empathic approach and moderation by allowing space for all to speak up, so as to prevent lopsided conversations.
Have you had any such experience as a team member ?
Do share your experiences of power dynamics at play in group setting.
She hadn’t been to school for four days because she was not feeling well.
When she went back to school, there were a lot of lessons taught.
To catch up on the lessons, she asked her best friend for her notes.
But her friend refused to give her the notes, saying she had to study them that evening.
Feeling dejected, she couldn’t get the notes copied.
Another girl came to her aid and gave her the notes, helping her out.
The girl was heartbroken that her best friend didn’t help her. She remembered all the times she had given chocolates and colored pencils to her friend.
Reflecting on this, she felt extremely sad and cried, becoming obsessed with the thought.
“Obsessed” means thinking about something repeatedly. She couldn’t stop thinking about her friend not giving her the notes.
She couldn’t eat lunch properly, came home, and sat quietly.
She couldn’t talk properly, watch TV, or laugh. She couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about it all the time. The next day was a school holiday, but she couldn’t enjoy it.
That day, her family went to a park. Her father put her on a swing and started pushing her. The swing went higher and higher, making her happy. She screamed joyfully, asking her dad not to push too hard. Her dad kept pushing, and after half an hour on the swing, she got down and played more games.
She forgot her anger and sadness towards her friend, feeling at peace.
That night, while sleeping, she reflected on the following points:
Point 1: It was wrong of her friend not to give her the notes. Why should she lose her happiness, appetite, and laughter over it?
Point 2: Maybe her friend genuinely needed to study and couldn’t give her the notes.
Point 3: Being angry at her friend made her distance herself from her loving parents.
Point 4: Constantly thinking about anger and irritation towards someone is torturous. It prevents us from doing anything else.
Point 5: Why didn’t she try to forget her anger for even five minutes? She felt excited while on the swing and forgot her anger. Why didn’t she think about getting out of the problem?
Reflecting on these points, she reached a conclusion.
Thinking negatively about anyone all the time will prevent you from being at peace. It drains our energy and makes us unable to enjoy life. Therefore, she decided to stay friendly and cheerful.
She woke up energetically, greeted her parents, took a bath and wore her uniform, ate her breakfast, packed her bag, and as she stepped out, sunlight shone on her face.
Her face looked brighter and more beautiful in the sunlight.
When our thoughts are good, our actions will be good. When our actions are good, our life will be good.
Empathic leaders find it easier to understand the challenges of their teams but they also need to be empathic to themselves to avoid burnout and manage their lives.
Stress Management for Leaders
If you are feeling stress beyond a level you can handle as a leader you need to introspect.
There could be many factors that build up the stress often without your own knowing. It can happen to anyone after all we are only human. And it would be good to acknowledge the importance of work life balance and self care.
Are you biting more than you can chew? To manage work stress as a leader, while delegating work check, if you are delegating tasks with clarity to the team.
Are you approachable and exercising patience in communication?
Are you checking if they have understood your requirements?
Are your mails, messages and your attitude, building people up?
Remember the way you chose to behave rubs off on people. While it’s only human to err and there could be good & bad days, being a leader is a responsiblity. For you have the power to influence and impact lives.
Likewise your actions beliefs and behaviour can affect your own health. Hence managing your own stressors empathically become paramount as a leader to get work done.
Every now and then tweaking your own approach, to the changing needs, being flexible and adaptable helps you and your team towards reducing work stress.
When you are in a position of influence especially as a coach, a trainer you are responsible to aid the development and building up of life. From the life coaching perspective there are many humane standards that help reach the set goals.
As a coach, respect and inclusion are significant for the success of your coaching. It is important to show ‘Respect’ not only for individual or team you are coaching by being unbiased and empathic of their abilities, but also for your time and effort as well as respect for the reason and need for coaching .
As for inclusiveness, without it you cannot build rapport as a coach. Inclusion is also about being attentive and open minded of diverse perspectives and opinions.
Over the decades, coaching individuals and groups as a Dance Educator & Trainer,and a Life Coach, I have had varied experiences of how being inclusive, empathic, open minded to listen and understand, sharing mutual respect has made a positive impact on the coaching process.
Both respect and inclusion can make a meaningful and lasting difference in the lives of those you coach.
DISCLAIMER: CERTAIN FACTS HERE MAY BE INACCURATE BUT THE ESSENCE OF THE PIECE IS STILL VERY MEANINGFUL ABOUT VALUING PARTNERS.
Saeed Jeffrey divorced Madhur Jaffrey for his second wife Jennifer. But this veteran actor has won the hearts with his heart-wrenching regret.
This came out, a few years after he left this world. 30-Jul-2019
From the diary of Sayed Jaffrey, the famous bollywood character actor:
I was 19 when I was married to Mehrunima who was 17. As I grew up, I was very fascinated by the british culture in colonial India. I learnt to speak English fluently, wear suits with grace, and developed impeccable etiquettes. But Mehrunima grew up to be my complete opposite – homely, a typical housewife. All my advices and admonishments couldn’t change her basic personality – an obedient wife, a doting mother and a good homemaker.
But she was not what I wanted. More I tried to change her, more we drifted apart. Gradually she metamorphosed from a cheerful affectionate young girl into a quiet insecure woman. Meanwhile I started getting attracted to a co-actor of mine who was all what I wanted in my wife.
After 10 years of marriage, l divorced Mehrunima, left my home and married my co- actor. I had ensured financial security of Mehrunima and my kids . For about 6-7 months everything went well. Then I started realising, my new wife was not caring and affectionate. She was only concerned about her beauty, her ambitions, her wants and desires. Sometimes I missed Mehrunima’s caring touch and concern for my welfare.
Life moved on . I and my new wife were 2 persons living in a house, not one soul living in a home. I never went back to find out what happened to Mehrunima and my kids. After about 6 -7 years of my second marriage, I came across an article on a Madhur Jaffrey, an upcoming famous chef who had recently launched a book of her own recipes. The moment I looked at the picture of the smart elegant lady, I was stunned. It was Mehrunima. But how could it be ??? She had remarried and changed her maiden name too.
I was shooting abroad at that time. She lived in US now. I caught the next flight to US. I inquired about her where abouts and went to meet her. She refused to see me. My daughter who was 14, and son who was 12, told her they wanted to talk to me one last time. Her new husband was by her side. He was also my children’s legal father now. To this date, I cannot forget what my children told me.
They told me that their new father knows the meaning of true love. He Broke Da Cage of Negativity. He accepted Mehrunima as she was and never tried to change her into what he himself was, because he loves her more than he loves himself. He let her evolve at her own pace and never tried to force his wishes on her. He accepted and enjoyed her person as it was. And she has bloomed into a confident loving affectionate self reliant lady today under her second husband’s selfless love and acceptance.
Where as I was full of selfishness, demands and unacceptance of her persona had crushed her and then in my selfishness had discarded her. Creating a Cage of Negativity.
The Greatest learning of my life-
You don’t change people you love, you love them as they are….
How beautiful it would be If good deeds prevailed in practice. If altruistic ways can become a norm A way of life and living If healthy collaboration became a driving force. Yet… Any change is never easy.
To change anything It has to permeate the psyche Of the mind in acceptance. Then there is transformation.
Nothing lasting happens by force For force gives way to another mightier force in time Trust time in patience & perseverance.
Everything happens in time. Time shows the way As time has all the answers.
Evolution happens in the changes that are a precussor to transformation.
A conscious unshackling of patterns of thought brings forth new and diverse ways of thinking. Every now and then a diversity acknowledges new associations and breeds creativity.
A deliberate action that reaches out far and wide to step out of conventional thought patterns is never easy especially as most often humans like to feel safe and secure in comfort of knowing of a stability.
Change can be unsettling and startling for most…
To accept and acclamatize in the new shifts.
As humans much of our creativity is often boxed in association of concepts and experiences and their correlation.
To creates new spaces for light is to step up in the gamut of creativity there need to be, a dare into the unknown that explores dimensions beyond.
As a Freelancer or a Self Employed Individual inspite of the independence and freedom to manage what you choose to do, there are often many challenges that test you on your journey.
Here are a few mindful ways to destress through your challenges using reflection for your personal growth.
Breath: Start the day by find time for your health. You can simply start by observing your breath. Witness it, moving in and out of the body. Sense your own breath. Check the speed and patterns in your breath. Are you breathing fast or slow? Are you able to hear the sounds of your breath? Our breathing sends many signals to us about our health, if we only care to observe.
Meditation. Reflect on your life as you go into a deeper state of being.You can choose your kind of meditation from the many practices of meditation options. Be it breath awareness through deep breathing, or mindful walking meditation or sound meditation. Be fully present in the Now.
Movement : Reflect on the positive ways you can use your body to reset and recharge your self. Choose to take a mindful and conscious walk. Sense everything in and around as you move with self awareness Reflect on your day and observe your thoughts. Many thoughts will vye for your attention. Let them come and go as you witness their unfolding. You will find much inspiration as you go. You will note your state of mind. You will have clarity of your emotional and mental health. You will sense the truths of your life.
Journalling.: Writing your thoughts is a good reflection tool that helps process and synthesise new information and life experiences. In fact it increases creative thinking and problem solving. As you reflect on your reactions and responses you will find greater clarity on your path.
Reading : A beautiful practice for any time that you can be inspired is by inculcating a habit of reading regularly. Choose a good book take time to read. You will find yourself charged with many inspirations to kickstart your day. It can be a contemplative practice for some deep thinking and self introspection and improvement.
Feedback : An opinion of another about you is their assimilated perception that they may voice out to you with or without your asking. Seeking honest feedback from trusted sources can help you course correct yourself. It is how you take the feedbacks you receive and what and how you focus on it that makes all the difference. Be aware that feedback is a valuable tool for self reflection and personal growth.
There are many tools for reflection like the above. However even acknowledging ones feelings and emotions helps in understanding more and managing stressful situations better.
Reflection practices can be inclusive and expansive. Besides silent contemplation and introspection while learning from mistakes, participating in a conversation, be it Group discussions, workshops can be an engaging practice for Self awareness.. They are also opportunities for self growth.
Are you listening to your body and what it is telling you?
Do you find time to invest in yourself?
Are you on your priority list?
Do you have a habit of putting others happiness and health ahead of yours?
Do you accommodate for everything and are perhaps less assertive and over tolerant?
The truth is you can never give from an empty vessel. Creating a beautiful life that you love is as important as for others. If there are gaps in your vessel of life,what will you share from?
Creating your own well-being in life is a responsiblity to yourself.
Ultimately it’s all about finding time to find yourself your way!
Savvy Raj 
You must be logged in to post a comment.