When in friendships two is company and three a crowd…
A small story.
Recently my young cousin shifted to my city to work. She had found a suitable job and her first step into settling herself was to find a place to stay on her own.
Although she stayed with us initially, being independent by nature we knew soon that she would be keen on finding her own place.
Understanding her need for an independent living we helped her scout one hostel which seemed all fine except the time and cost of a commute as it was a little distant from her place of work.
Soon she realised she was wasting money and time. She started networking with her colleagues and she landed an offer from one.
The girl in question was staying in a tiny non-descript place barely enough for two but pretty much close to her office. She asked her to move in with her and share her rent and other expenses. Realising the convenience of proximity to her place of work as she could simply walk to the office and the fact that the rent was truly affordable my cousin agreed to shift in.
Being a very careful spender my cousin was all excited. Moreover, she was elated in fact that she happily shared how good it would be, to not have to spend so much time travelling as well.
We too were glad she found a place near her workplace and decided to help her shift on a suitable day which happened to be yesterday.
Now life is known to be unpredictable.
Between the then and now many things can change. Such is the nature of life and living.
But a young girl coming away from home and hearth with a suitcase full of dreams in her heart would hardly be the one to realise the vagaries of life and living.
It so happened, that after all the eagerness of finally making it to the new home, a rude shock awaited her. The girl who had offered her to share the flat brought in one more colleague to stay. But it wasn’t never discussed mutually between. This gave rise to a lot of tension between them. My cousin felt cheated that there was no transparency in the dealing. Moreover, there was no space for the third person in an already cramped room.
Now my cousin was braving tears trying to tell me the whole incident this morning. Although I don’t suspect her tenacity to tackle the situation one bit and find a solution to her problem I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. My heart reaches out to her as I write this. I wish her God speed in finding the right home for herself in this city.
A few reflections on Life and living
So much about trust issues here
To trust another is about believing
But a belief that must be valued by the one you place your trust one.
Think twice to read the signs and place your trust in people carefully.
- (My cousin decided to vacate her hostel even before the actual date of vacating to save her travel expenses).Sometimes not doing things on an impulse but waiting it out by observing the developing situation and then taking move helps.
- Life can be challenging moment to moment. So much for erratic development and behaviour changes in a person. But people are different by default and sooner one acknowledge this the better it is.
- A great lesson in being careful. So before taking things and people for granted no matter how close it makes sense to set certain things straight on record.
- Living independently at a young age can certainly be challenging but the wisdom is to sense the challenges as they come and be strengthened by it.
- When I shared this story, there were three new perspectives.
- Firstly the introduction as the centre line becomes a connecting line that gives shape to the 2 semicircles.
- Secondly, while 2 dots can only make a line the 3rd one can give it varied forms.
- Thirdly any duel cannot be judged without a 3rd referee.
- The entry of a 3rd person ( child) makes the family complete.
- All is truly in a shift of perspectives. The 3rd is a PowerPoint. It can balance or tilt the whole to one side.
As for my cousin, it is a valuable lesson learnt for a lifetime in hindsight. And I believe she is only stronger by it. Wishing her the best of luck!
Have you had any experience where the third person has changed the course of your friendship?
Do share…
Savvy
Savvy Raj 
July 14, 2018 at 6:17 pm
Life is full of challenges, a learning process, and how one deals with those challenges will determine what one will become…. all the best to your cousin… 🙂
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”… Marilyn Monroe
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July 14, 2018 at 6:29 pm
Thank you for the warm words and kind wishes as well the very apt quote share. Will certainly pass it on !!
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July 14, 2018 at 8:33 pm
All the best to your cousin, Savvy. Challenges in life help us grow and I feel sometimes things happen for a reason. Thank you for sharing as your post reflects on one of many life’s realities we face.
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July 14, 2018 at 8:46 pm
Yes there is always a reason🙂
Truly agree! There is wisdom in changes that may come from the challenges.
Change is inevitable , but truly what matters is how the change impacts us…
Deeply appreciate your kind wishes to her …Thank you so much my friend.
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July 16, 2018 at 12:54 am
Thank you for this wonderful post, Savvy. Yes, Being open to changes and challenges in our lives is important. I am much more able to get through these things now that I am older, but then I have been through so many of these when I was younger.
So I am going to give my take on this situation and it is just my thoughts, and not the need to do other than what is essential for her happiness.
First of all, the person who owns the little abode was extremely disrespectful to your cousin. If this happens right at the beginning of the relationship, there will be more events that are similar because the person who owns the abode does not have clear boundaries. Next there may be boyfriends being brought in, and there may be other things that will be worse. This is just reality of a situation where something like this happens so soon after your cousin moved in. It is not right no matter how we look at it. I believe we all do face challenges and changes, but facing disrespect from others is never OK. We have to set things straight right up front or we will always be disrespected. I know this from having gone though it in school, at work, and in living situations. Yes, change does happen and challenges in life also, but we must always first and foremost respect our own selves, and if we feel that our boundaries have been crossed, they have. Speaking up for ourselves and respecting ourselves is critical to all changes.
The author, Jo Coudert, in her book, Advice from a Failure, which is actually a totally positive book, says “Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution. ” This book has a lot of great quotes that are totally positive in it. I hope that your young cousin may learn a valuable lesson from this.
1) When you are establishing some sort of business and/or living situation with someone you don’t know, be sure that you state the things that are acceptable to you and those that aren’t. If you don’t feel like it is ok to state it like that, put them into question format, but be sure you are clear on what you can expect after you move in.
2) You own your life. You have a right to expect certain things within that context. For example, you have a right not to be touched by strangers in a too familiar way. You have a right to speck what you like and dislike. And you ALWAYS have a right to say no if something is not right in your mind. In this situation, you are paying half rent, so now with a third person, you should only have to pay a third rent . People who take advantage of you by giving you a price of half rent and then bring another person in need to lessen your rent. It has nothing to do with not accepting challenges and changes and being open to that. Just living with another person is a huge challenge and change, and you can still be a loving and accepting person, but you really need to be able to say what is fair for you and what you will and will not accept.
I wish you a long and happy life, and I wish always for you to respect your own self first and foremost.
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July 16, 2018 at 7:40 am
Truly said indeed!
Life is best understood forward. But living it through brings on the knowing that all the answers are within.
My dear Anne .Your words here not only reflect the above but also of the wisdom in challenges .
A year ago I had written a few verses on the ‘Wisdom in the Challenges’. And today reading the wisdom in every word of your reflections here brought me back to remember that particular poem .
I share here only a few couplets which I feel relate here.
Challenge draws a blank line
but the wisdom completes the circle.
The challenge is to seek new ways of overcoming
The wisdom is to know there is always a solution.
The challenge questions the issue at hand.
The wisdom answers the question.
The challenge is to keep the spirit alive
The wisdom is to know it is not the end
The challenge seeks
The wisdom knows.
And in the knowing, change begets wisdom
To accept from ordinary things can permeate untapped wisdom
That the ‘ordinary’ possess nuggets of ‘Wisdom.
In the knowing is the learning
Then there is no search, all is within
The change the changer and the changing.
I must share these valuable thoughts of yours along with your kind wishes here with my young cousin soon… for the nuggets of wisdom,all garnered in the life and living.
You know Anne, it is truly kind of you to share your experiences here, for I do believe we are enriched in sharing and learning from each other’s experiences. So thankful for it. Truly appreciate your taking time to read and reflect as well as share from your life and living.💙
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